I LOVE cardio.  I love pushing myself, sweating, and in an attempt to keep it real, I love burning calories. I lost the majority of my weight through eating clean and cardio.  My favorite thing to do everyday was go to the gym at around 10 at night when the after work crowd was long gone, and hop on the treadmill.  Jay Z, J.T, and Eminem in my ears, I’d alternate between sprinting and speed walking at a steep incline for an hour +, then toss a few minutes of ab work into the mix and do it all again the next day.

I never got bored-I always had the best music, and my gym is prime people watching territory.  I was losing weight fairly fast, but as I read more and more about fitness and nutrition,  I knew I was doing my body a huge injustice by not incorporating strength training.  When you have a significant amount of weight to lose like I did, you need to be conscious of your skin-let’s just say I wanted to keep things as perky and toned as possible.

The first thing I did to incorporate weights into my routine was buy some 5 pound dumbbells for my house.  I was way too intimidated to set foot in the weight room at my gym alone at first-I thought for sure some juice monkey would laugh in my face.*   I used a few different videos-this one from the Tone it Up girls is still my favorite.  When I was ready for more of a challenge, I bribed asked my friend Ryan to accompany me in the weight room.  I felt completely ridiculous at first, the only girl in there, struggling with my ten pounds but then I realized that the weight room is no different from the rest of the gym…

People are focused on their own work-outs.  Nobody is looking at you.

Ryan walked me through his lifting routine a few times a week until I was ready to put my big girl pants on and hit the weight room alone.  Part of me wanted to run upstairs to the treadmills, where I felt confident, but I kept repeating one of my favorite mantra’s-“Change, by definition, is uncomfortable.”

I started to lift regularly.  And my body started to change in ways I didn’t know possible.  More than that though, I felt better about myself.  While I was doing cardio, I’d be focused on the specific number of calories I wanted to burn that day.  My goal was to be skinny, and that kind of thinking is a slippery slope to disorder-land.  With strength training, it’s not about calories-even though you burn a TON.  The goal?

To feel strong, physically and mentally.

The best thing about weights?  You have to FEEEED those muscles! Eat up, buttercups.  Protein Frozen Hot Chocolate is my recovery drink of choice these days…it is SO insanely good.  I don’t use the cottage cheese though. My favorite protein powder is Tera’s Whey Bourbon Vanilla.

I’m still a bit of a cardio queen, but it’s balanced by weight training.  My point in all this?  To encourage even one of you to pick up some free weights and see what you can do.  No, you will NOT get bulky…No, nobody is going to laugh at you…No, you DO NOT need 2 hours of cardio a day to lose or maintain your weight.

I promise.

*The guys working out in the weight room aren’t scary after all.  More than a few times they’ve offered to spot me or suggested new exercises.  I was the asshole who judged them, not the other way around.  People will surprise you.

Image via

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It’s been such a nice weekend! Sleeping in, coffee, healthy eating, farmers markets, hikes on the coast, too much Hulu, Netflix and HBO and too much wine. Lazy, slow and cuddly.

In completely unrelated news (hopefully not lazy, slow or cuddly), I’m embracing my inner runner again. It’s been difficult for me to find the self motivation to work out on my own without a gym. I loved my gym, I loved that it was open 24 hrs and I could go run a few miles and pump some iron (10 pounds is iron!) if I was restless at 11pm. I loved the energy, and found myself motivated by the other people there working out. Now it’s just me and the man meat, but he thinks pull ups and push ups are fun, and his biceps are bigger than my head, so we aren’t really on the same training regimen. All last week I forced myself to lace up my shoes, get outside, blast my music and just run. Running outside is 246776x harder than running on a treadmill, PERIOD.Where the magic happens. And by magic I mean asthma attacks.

I’m a little bummed out that I used to be able to crank out such high mileage on that lil hamster wheel compared to what I’m doing on the hilly, beachy terrain where I live, but I know my body is being challenged in new ways and my ass is getting kicked, so I’m happy. Not to say running on the treadmill isn’t hard though, because it IS.  The whole outside off roading thing is just new to me. This is all just a big excuse to talk about new running shoes though, so who cares.

I get way too excited about new workout gear.  A hundred pounds ago, I would have laughed if anyone told me I’d drop almost a hundred dollars on Lululemon pants or spend hours researching new running shoes. But that’s what I did on my hot Saturday night. I’m stalking these by Mizuno…

But I may want something a little brighter aka obnoxious. Nike Zoom Structure Triax+ 14

I’m also starting the Insanity program tomorrow, but because I’m running as well and that is just tooooo much cardio, I will be breaking it up and adding bits and pieces into my running schedule in addition to strength training.  Has anyone done Insanity?

I am sure you all care oh so much about my work-out routine. I’m just excited about running again finally and it’s such a good feeling. Let us hope this “good feeling”  is still here when my alarm goes off in the morning, shall we?

Anywho. The lovely Rocket Dog Shoe Giveaway winners are…
Doniree
Suburban Sweetheart
Melissa
Carolina
Rebecca
Kara

Congrats, lady loves. Please email me with your shoe choice, size and shipping info and I’ll have those sent out to you right away! And thank you all for playing…there’s more giveaways coming.

OH AND! I’m guest posting over at Skinny Dip-Things I Would Tell My 20 Year Old Self. Check it out

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I’m going a million miles a minute getting ready for Costa Rica, but I doubt you guys want to hear about my packing woes-seriously, 50 pounds is just not enough…but I digress.  I thought it would be fun to talk about something else, so I enlisted the help of my friend/old personal trainer-Steven. I mentioned Steven in this post I wrote about a year ago, just as I was in the midst of throwing myself head first into a lifestyle change which resulted in my losing a serious amount of weight, and gaining a new outlook on food, fitness and, well, just about everything.

Steven is TOUGH.  We were friends before I started paying him to kick my ass, but during our training sessions we were NOT friendly.  I’m sure I called him some less than friendly names as he made me do a million jump squats and drag him up a hill with a rope…running backwards.  Or the time I was so desperado for something sweet…and I texted him for options.  Let’s just say I was less than thrilled when he told me to have a spoonful of peanut butter. PB is fab, but helloooo my asshole pms wanted ice cream.  

{Steven The Trainer}

Now, of course, I appreciate what Steven did for me so very much.  And a spoonful of almond butter is one of my very favorite snacks these days.  Anyway, Steven is going to be around these parts fairly often sharing some of his knowledge-let me know if you have any questions for him-homeboy knows about EVERYTHING, and his outlook is so healthy and balanced-no gimmicks, diets, or bullshit.  Just hard work, support and determination. To kick things off, I asked him for a rundown of his top 5 weight loss tips!

Steven’s Top 5 Weight Loss Tips:
1. Cut out as much sugar from your diet as possible. Even too much fruit is too much sugar. No more than 10 grams per serving and that is generous.

2. Completely change your workout routine every month/month and a half. Your body naturally adapts to your workouts. You want to burn max calories and build muscle to get as lean and strong as you can.

3. Drink more water! If you have to have “morning coffee” I’ll let it slide but anything else other than green tea cut out. And NO DIET SODA! Diet stuff is worse than the sugar you’re trying to stay away from.

4. Be well rounded in your workouts. Don’t just do yoga and think you’re doing enough. Your body needs flexibility, strength, cardio, speed etc.

5. Carbs are not the enemy-in fact they are needed. Cut out white flour from your diet and get the majority of your carbs from fruit, veggies and oats. But enjoy some whole wheats as well.

Speaking from my experience, #1 is KEY.  But I mean, I just made some frozen yogurt my biatch, so everything in moderation dolls.

Like I said-if you have any questions for Steven, let me know…and if you’re lucky enough to be in Orange County and need a new personal trainer, check out Fitcore here or let me know and I can hook you up! Orrr if you want a virtual trainer, let me know muahahaha.

Next time I blog I’ll be doing it from Costa Rica! Yayyy!!!

Lots of love!

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Hey dolls

I’ve received a lot of requests for my work out playlist and I’ve been hesitant to share only because the songs I listen to while working out are a bit umm…aggressive. What can I say, hip hop gets me MOVING. These songs are not what I’m always listenting to in the car, while working, dancing around my house, etc.  But they are what get me in the zone at the gym…and if truth be told, yes occasionally dancing/singing on the treadmill.  They might not be your thing, so tell me what works for you!  Gotta have fun, right?

Oh and heck yes, that’s a completely shameless picture. If anyone had ever told me I’d be running 7 miles for FUN on a Sat morning 8 months ago I would have never believed it…You can do ANYTHING you put your mind too…but I digress. I think I’m more in awe that I wore booty shorts to the gym and felt so confident…hmmm whatever…MUSIC TIME!
Also-sorry I’m just linking to the songs youtube’s, my Mac needs to hit up the genius bar stat and is being a little…temperamental. On my new site we’ll have down-loadable (new word?) playlists

Here we go!

Inna-Amazing
Inna-Hot (True Love Edit)
Soul For Real-Candy Rain
Drake W/Kanye, Lil Wayne, Eminem-Forever I do intervals to this song-sprint at your max heart rate during Kanye, Lil Wayne and Eminem-recover in between to Drake.
Rihanna-Only Girl In The World
Eminem-Till I Collapse – When I feel like I can’t do anymore…the lyrics keep me going. If there’s any song you NEED-it’s this one-especially if you’re a runner!!
Kevin Rudolph-I Made It
Bullet For My Valentine-Bittersweet Memories – sentimental value. USE your feelings during your work-outs. Sweat em out, sister.
Arcade Fire-We Used To Wait
Talib Kweli-Get By remix
Broken Bells-The High Road
Jay Z-Big Pimpin – inside joke with one of my besties…makes me smile on the treadmill looking at all the guys.
Hall & Oates-Maneater
Justin Timberlake-My Love
Lil Wayne w/Eminem-Drop The World -CONFIDENCE IS A STAIN THEY CAN’T WIPE OFF!

Love you, mean it.

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In case you were losing sleep over what’s going on with me…:)

• My first personal training client is down a dress size! HOLLER! You may know her-she’s kind of a big deal-but we’ll save that for the big reveal.
• I can’t decide between these 2 pairs of black boots.  Help. I mean, I could get both considering the price, thank you Forever21, but NO. Leaning towards the first pair…Thoughts?
• My 86 year old grandfather (aka MY HEART AND SOUL) passed his Drivers Test today! His license was up for renewal and let’s just say, my whole family was a little nervous.  I talked to him after and hearing how happy he was made me teary.  I’m SO glad he still has his independence. And don’t worry, he is the best driver ever. And my heart still melts when he calls me “Sweetheart” …I feel 6 again. I can’t wait to see him on Thanksgiving.
• I once posted a shirt that said “Let’s Talk Shit” (I still NEED it-by Married To The Mob-if you find it for me I will love you forevers), and received a comment from a new blogger I didn’t know, who owns the shirt-hello, soulmate. Fast forward almost a year and I don’t know what I would do without her, she’s a real lifer for sure. She has just shut down her blog, but will be making appearances on mine frequently. ONE DAY THIS SHIRT WILL BE MINE!!!! 
• On that note-all of my “real life” closest friends I have met via blogging. It’s basically online dating for girls who love shoes, have opinions and live their lives out-loud. I just met Amy a few weeks ago, and I’m SO glad she moved here-she’s AMAZING and we clicked instantly.  And now she’s stuck with me.  
• Today (Thurs) I’m making black bean brownies. So…we’ll see how that goes. Anybody tried this? Brownie mix + Can of Black Beans=WE SHALL SEE!
• It’s Lakers season! Meaning, if you follow me on Twitter I apologize in advance. I GO CRAZY.
• I love a boy but he’s not my happy ending. And you know what…that’s ok. He’s funny as hell and gives me butterflies, and sometimes that’s all a girl needs.
• My High School Crush (omg that post was SO long ago) is now my best friend. As in talk everyday, hangout all the time, picks me up when I’m down, makes me laugh and tells me he loves me even when I’m not being very loveable, gives me guy advice and listens to me rant and rave about shoes, jeans and my hair. The memory of being TERRIFIED to walk by him in the hallway at school makes me laugh-and makes him laugh even harder, jerk. He chose to spend his birthday last month with me…just him and I and it was really special, and no, we are not going to date.  While I no longer have a crush on someone I don’t know, I now have a friend whom I love more than life. Hi Ryan. It’s nice to be reminded of the good guys, no?
• I take mirror pictures at the gym when I think nobody is looking. Hi, my game? NO SHAME.
• I’m not dressing up for Halloween this year and it feels SO good! Saving on money and stress and skankyness! Woo!
• I’m dying my hair dark choc brown today! Mmmhmm chocolate. Lily Aldridge is the Hair-spiration. It’s Fall, time to go dark (like my heart bahaha)…and also, highlights are just a pain in my ass and my wallet-my hair grows so damn fast and roots make my OCD flare up…Let’s hope it looks like this…
• I am SO excited about life you guys. I can’t wait to get my new site launched, I can’t wait to be 100% certified, and I can’t wait to share what’s worked and what hasn’t with you and hopefully help you achieve a healthy, BALANCED life!  I’m just happy, and feeling amazingly blessed and I hope you are too.

On that note, what’s up lovers?  Sorry I suck at commenting lately, but I DO read-usually late night on my berry and commenting from my phone is a nightmare.  But I know what’s going on…basically I’m Liz the Lurker. There! That’s my Halloween costume. Comfy pants? Check. Wife beater? Check? Green Tea/Wine/Sweet Tea Vodka? CHECK. Done and done. Trick or treat…

Love you. Mean it. xoxo

Also-New from me on We Love Dates…He Wore Flip Flops In The Rain, So I judged him.

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It started in April. April 1st, to be exact.  I wrote this post on Lilu’s amazing brainchild, In It To Gym It.  I was incredibly depressed, unmotivated, unhealthy and gaining weight at a rapid rate-and it showed.

I didn’t realize just how much it showed until last night when my friend/old personal trainer Steven sent me a “Before” picture he had snapped right before one of our work out sessions.  I avoided the camera like the plague during this period, so I’ve been a bit bummed I haven’t had any “Before” shots-until now.  Watch what you wish for!  I’m nervously posting this, but as the always so wise Lexa reminded me…

“Share It All. It’s Who You Are.”April 2010-August 2010-October 2010

I’m going through a hard time, as most of you know. This picture is NOT (solely) about what I look like…it’s about how I feel. It’s reminded me that I can do anything I want, that I can persevere, and that taking care of myself has to come before anything else.

I’m damn proud of myself and I needed this. I’m not going to tell you my weight or my pants size, I think the picture speaks for itself in that regard. I’m not going to breakdown my workouts, or what I eat-if you have questions, I’m only an email away. Let me know if this is a post you’re even interested in?  I’ve been on the fence about it.

I’m working on my new site-all about health/fitness and BALANCE…and I can’t wait to share it with you. If my experiences (and the ones of so many of my girls who are going through rough times lately) have taught me anything, it’s that life is short, insane and precious-and I want to spend my days doing what I love. There is so much we can’t control, but I want to get up everyday and hopefully help someone. Hopefully inspire…because I can almost guarantee you-I’ve been there, I’ve thought it, I’ve done it, and so on…nothing can shock me.

So much love to those of you who have encouraged me on this journey, and continue to do so-you know who you are.

xoxo.

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I can’t even believe I’m writing this post.

I’m lucky to not have many haters (that I know of ha), but I’m sure if I have any, this post will bring em out. Save it, sister.
I’m not an expert. I’m not a doctor. I’m not a nutritionist.

I AM in the process of getting certified as a personal trainer. So there’s that. VERY excited about this, by the way!

And I AM a girl who’s lost over 50 pounds…now I’m training for my first full marathon…and I have completely changed my attitude towards food, body image, health and my life in general.

Some of you know about this journey. Some have seen pictures. In any case, I’ve received some of the sweetest emails/texts asking for advice…specifically “what I’m doing” and so I’d thought I’d share a little about what has worked for me, what hasn’t, what’s been amazing, what’s made me burst into tears.

Let me preface this by saying you are beautiful just the way you are. I originally just wanted to drop ten pounds for summer. That has turned into an entire lifestyle change, for me. It has to be something you are ready for, to commit to. But your weight should never define you, and I’ve learned-sometimes as the numbers on the scale go down, your life can get even more complicated. AND I DIDNT EVEN THINK THAT WAS POSSIBLE.

So here we go.

Educate yourself. I have turned into a nutrition NERD. Last night I fell asleep with my blackberry in my hand while reading health blogs. You want to go no carb? Fine…but do you know WHY? Is this something you’re going to be able to stick to…forever? Whatever the case-educate yourself…this is your body.

I have eliminated processed “man made” foods from my diet. Except for when I’m pmsing, of course. Everyone knows there are no rules when it comes to PMS. I know my place. Anyways, this could be a blog post in it’s entirety so to simplify, I eat as all natural/organic/”from the earth” as possible.

No white foods. They’re like that friend you’ve had since 3rd grade and you still hang out with all the time out of habit, but she makes you feel like crap and doesn’t bring anything to the table.

Find healthy alternatives! There’s no way I can live off chicken and broccoli every night, and knowing this has caused me to get my ass in the kitchen. And while I don’t use white or brown sugar, I have a MAJOR sweet tooth, so I use agave or truvia. It’s amazing the things you can come up with that are good for you and taste even better than the “originals”.

You will have days where you eat everything you “shouldn’t”, drink yourself under the table, and hate yourself. Never hate yourself-as I’ve taken this day by day, month by month I’ve learned to be kind to my body and myself. We all have bad days, but the best part of a lifestyle change, NOT a diet, is that tomorrow is another day.

BALANCE. My friend M and I call each other “balance” because she’s the ying to my yang and vice versa. When I’m feeling a little too much of well…anything really, I bbm her (she’s in NYC) and she pulls me back to the center. I was recently talking to another one of my soul sisters, Lauren, who is also changing her lifestyle, about the concept of “balance” in our diets. You had a cupcake for breakfast? Cool, awesome, you’re over it. Now just eat healthy proteins and veggies the rest of the day and get on with your life, without beating yourself up. LIVE YOUR LIFE.

Get moving. I’ve literally sweat my ass off. I never thought I’d really be able to call myself a runner, and now I can. A combination of Running/Spin/Pilates/Weights work for me-find what works for you. I happen to LOVE the gym, I feel like once I step inside it’s Game On and I get in the zone…it’s total Elizabeth time-just me, my music and my thoughts. Maybe you prefer being outdoors, or are doing workout videos at home. Awesome…just move. I’ve NEVER EVER left the gym thinking, “WOW that was so lame! Never doing that again!” Um, no.

Strength train in addition to cardio. Not only does this burn more calories throughout the day, but I think we all can agree that looking toned and healthy is way cuter than just being skin and bones. Drink a shit ton of water.

Should you start losing weight, be prepared for people NOT to be supportive. This will shock you, sadden you and make you cry–if you’re anything like me. People will try to sabotage you, talk you out of making healthy choices and in my opinion, keep you in a place that was comfortable for them. You will get made fun of when you go out to eat, you will get left out-usually the excuse will be “well you wouldn’t have eaten anything anyway!” (not true). You can’t control this-them being threatened is NOT your problem-remember that everyone has their issues and you are doing what’s right for you. If they’re you’re friends, they’ll support you. If they don’t, they can suck it. Seriously. You weren’t put on this Earth solely to make anyone else feel comfortable.

On that note, find allies! You need support, encouragement and ideas! I’m lucky that I’m good friends with guys who happen to be personal trainers, and that so many of my good friends are also living healthy lifestyles. One best friend just ran a 1/2 marathon! Yet another best friend (I’m blessed in the friend department) keeps me accountable with my gym days and is encouraging me to try yoga!  I’m inspired by them, and I hope them by me. The internet is a great resource for support as well as recipes-the health blogs are insanely amazing and I’m sure I haven’t even scratched the surface.

There is a TON more that I can tell you about what I’m doing specifically-but you have to find what works for you. You have to be ready and you have to have the right reasons to start a journey like this. It can’t just be about how you look–and I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that I’m not THRILLED with how I look, because I am. I feel so much more comfortable in my skin than I EVER have, I’m stronger mentally and physically than I’ve ever been, but more importantly…

I feel like I’m finally giving my body the respect it deserves.

xoxoxoxo!!!!

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How’s that for the WORST POST TITLE EVER. Whatever. Where to begin…I don’t know. Also, the spacing is hella jacked up in this post-I don’t know why and to be completely honest, mama doesn’t care.

Kings Of Leon was amazing! It was THE perfect summer night-just one of those nights where everything comes together, and you’re sitting on a hill with a dear friend, drinking a beer and thinking, yaknow, yeah despite all of it’s ups and downs and stresses-my life is pretty fucking fabulous and so are the people in it. Kathleen wrote an amazing post about our few days together, and there’s even some video of KOL (and her singing along!)

Some of you know that I’m obsessed with rompers this summer. As in, hi I’m Liz, and I have a romper problem. I can’t help it! SO COMFORTABLE!! My sister calls them “adult one-sies” and some people say they’re hard to get in and out of, but not if you get strapless ones! You’re totally fine. Mommy, WOW. I’m a big girl now. Just pull it down…Next up-VEGAS! Allow the pictures to do most of the talking…ROAD TRIP!

Hot as HELL. It hit 133 and I almost had a panic attack.

My Wolf Pack/BFF. We cooled off and (drank) re-charged at Pink Taco.Fine. We smiled.

Then it was time to rock out…I take this very seriously.

MxPx has been around for awhile, and it was crazy to hear songs I used to listen to when I was 15. It was also crazy that I wore 6 inch heels to a punk show, but I am who I am.  It was a special show because their drummer is retiring, and so it was his retirement party of sorts…they played for almost THREE HOURS. My bff was in heaven, I was doing pretty good until 2 hours in and then I wanted to cut my feet off.  But I sucked it up and took out my anger on the douchelord in front of me who kept leaning back a little too much for my liking. He got my clutch to his ribs a few times. Bwahahaaa…Colombian fury.

Back to the real world-July, you’ve officially kicked my ass. Well played.

Ok, so I thought long and hard (and by that I mean for about 30 seconds) about whether to open up comments or not…and I’m again going with not.  I love ya’ll so much, but it stresses me out to not be able to get back to you-and since I’m unable to reciprocate right now and play fair in blog world-if you need me, I’m only an email away! xoxox

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This is hard for me to write about. If you’re looking for rainbows and butterflies, this isn’t the one for you today.

For a while, it seemed I obsessed about a finding love.
I’m no longer obsessing about men, being in a relationship, getting married and having babies. What happens happens, and I have no control over that.

It seems like my “obsessing” has jumped from one ship to another. Instead of my heart, I’m obsessed with my body. One of the main reasons I haven’t been blogging/reading/commenting is because I’ve been working out so much, and while that’s a great thing, I can see, and feel myself slipping to the dark side. Another reason I’ve been avoiding blogs is because I compare myself to everyone, and I do that enough in real life, or watching TV, movies and reading fashion mags. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, and in a sea of fashion bloggers-I just felt it better to distance myself.

Talking about weight is taboo, and also so annoying, so I’m sorry. But it’s eating me alive, and hopefully by purging all of these toxic thoughts now, I can wake up tomorrow in a better place.

I’m supposed to be skinny because I used to model. I’m supposed to be skinny because companies send me clothes so I’ll do lookbooks, and then hopefully you’ll buy their products. I’m supposed to be skinny because I’ve been super skinny before, and because I live in the most superficial place on earth (or at least top 3).

I started this journey to be healthy. I started working out with a trainer and a friend (hiiii HEATHER), I overhauled my diet and began eating extremely “clean.” It didn’t happen over night, but my body started to change. Not just dress sizes, but muscles began appearing-GUN SHOW, yo. (Not exactly, but whatev.) My energy is soaring and my anxiety has been amazingly diminished.

These are all great things, and I’m damn proud of myself. My family and friends who see me all the time are proud too. I used to sleep in til 11 on Saturdays, now I’m up at 730 doing running mans and planks. I can wear things I haven’t felt comfortable in again, and this weekend was the first time I wore a bikini this year…and I felt good, with no need to cover up in a tank like I might have before.

But I’m terrified to go out to eat. I’m terrified to eat, period-but I know, I KNOW my body needs the fuel. I avoid social situations because of the food or alcohol, I find myself tossing and turning at night wondering if the 2 hours of cardio I did at the gym was enough. I get a little too happy for my liking that my collarbone is visible. I plan my day around the gym (sometimes twice a day) and getting in enough protein after my workouts. Meaning no, I can’t meet up with you after the gym even though you need to talk because I have to go home and have a protein shake and I’m sorry I’m a bad friend right now but if I go to Starbucks I’ll miss the “golden hour” during which I HAVE to have protein. I actually said that to one of my friends! Like a crazy person! Makes me want to burst into tears right now. I was invited to Vegas this weekend and my first thought was ohhhh I bet the hotel has a nice gym. WHAT THE HELL. Heather and I had plans to see Sex and the City 2 on Friday night and I almost cancelled because I felt I needed to go run stadiums-the anxiety was debilitating. Luckily, I got a grip and we had a fabulous girls night out. Thankfully, I have friends like Heather who I can tell what I’m feeling and she can drop kick me (nicely) back to reality.

If you’re close to me, as some of you are, most of our conversations, at some point circle back around to my new “lifestyle”…I love you for not telling me to shut the hell up. I also love you for telling me to take care of myself. If you’re REALLY close to me, as in see me everyday-I ask you multiple times a day how I look. I hate that I am that girl now.

I’m dating a personal trainer, and I can’t be the only one who find this oddly ironic. Life, stop it with your silly shenanigans! On our first date he went to town on some gourmet mac and cheese and I picked at a salad. (I guzzled the wine though. I mean, I haven’t completely forgotten who I am.) His body is ridiculous and now I feel the pressure is on even more. Of course, I’m completely disregarding how he mentioned he doesn’t like girls who are “too thin” and told me, “you better not lose your boobs!”

When did I go from healthy to a woman obsessed…was it when the big changes started happening? Was it 2 weekends ago when I went out with six guys and realized I held all the control, and somehow convinced myself that they would have held all the control 3 dress sizes ago? I don’t want to stop-I’m not going to stop-but I know myself enough to realize that I’m nearing a dangerous place. A place I’ve been before and a place I never thought I’d be again. A place where there is no such thing as good enough.

I received a few INCREDIBLE emails this weekend, just full of support, for no other reason than they felt I needed it. Maybe to make me feel better after making such an ass out of myself on my vlog?! They all mentioned that I empower my readers, and while that warms my heart and makes me want to keep on going…I don’t feel very empowered at the moment. I’m smart enough to know that I’m obsessed with working out and eating like a bird because everything else is always so OUT of control.  Not in a bad way, I’m happy right now-but it could go away. And that terrifies me. This is one thing I don’t have to rely on anyone for. It’s all me. Nobody can let me down.

Goals for the week-
Post this very personal blog. Opening up about this very scary subject might be all I need.
Live my life. Go wine tasting this weekend with a bestie and EAT CHEESE. Omg I miss cheese.
Love my body. Appreciate how far I can run now, how much I can lift, be excited that my insomnia has been cured naturally, etc.
Put my relationships before my “obsession.”
Listen to my body. Give it the rest, fuel, appreciation it deserves. It is not the enemy.

It is NOT the enemy.  I am good enough-no matter what size jeans I wear. And so are you. xo

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I am nooo food blogger, obviously.  There are plenty of amazing ones out there, and cooking has never been much of a passion of mine.  Plus, do you know who my sister is?! Ms. Culinary School herself, Gabby?  Yeah, so there’s really been no need for me to venture into her domain.  I know my role.

Until tonight.  Tonight I borrowed her totes adorable Anthropologie apron (because if I’m going to cook, I’m gonna look cute), put my blackberry down and made a super healthy, and yummy fritatta loaded with veggies for dinner. All by myself.  My blog is just me…fashion, men, love, my pursuit of happiness and also, being healthy, which has become a huge part of my life as of late.  I know how to drop weight fast, and subsequently feel like shit in the process.  I could exist on coffee and a few almonds, but I’m choosing not to do it that way this time.  I’m also working out so hard that my body needs food-but the right kinds.  I’m so inspired/supported by blogs like 20somethingcupcakes, (blog/girl crush alert!) and of course everyone at In It To Gym It.

All the working out and eating right is definitely having physical affects, but I’m sleeping better, and you guys know I have the worst insomnia.  My anxiety is decreasing rapidly.  I have more energy during the day and a sense of control where I didn’t have it before.  So while I might go on and on about getting bikini ready, and the photoshoot I have next week, and yay my jeans are baggy-at the end of the day, the mental and emotional reasons are the ones that keep me going.

Bethenny Frankel’s “Naturally Thin” Easy Impressive Frittata (The recipe shown is for 1 person-I was feeding 3, so I kept the egg to yolk ratio and added about 5 cups of veggies. The more the merrier!)
Cooking spray
1 cup vegetables (onions, spinach, zucchini, broccoli, or tomatoes)
1 egg yolk and 3 to 4 egg whites
Salt and pepper, to taste
1 tablespoon crumbled feta or grated Parmesan
Cooking Directions

Preheat oven to 350°F. Spray a small nonstick pan with an ovenproof handle with cooking spray.
Over medium heat, sauté the vegetables.
In a small bowl, whisk together the egg yolk and egg whites with a little salt and pepper.
Pour the egg mixture into the pan and move it around with a spatula until slightly solidified.
Transfer the pan to the oven.
Bake until the frittata is almost firm to the touch (approximately 15 to 20 minutes). Sprinkle with the cheese and bake until firm.
Serve immediately.

Don’t judge my pictures, ya’ll. Tasted way better than it looked, and it was Gabby approved. I’m just stoked I pushed myself to do something different, because chicken breast and broccoli every night was making me incredibly stab stab stabby. Don’t like eggs? Try something else!

New post is up at We Love Dates…On To The Next. (I know I’ve been directing you to click here! and go there! tons lately-and I truly want you guys to know how much I appreciate your support. Love you, absolutely mean it.)

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