Testing, testing…

Not sure who’s going to be reading this lil post.  Can I just explain something to you guys?  I’ve received so many (sweet) emails regarding my switch to WP-basically along the lines of “HOW COULD YOU DO THAT YOU ARE GOING TO LOSE ALL YOUR FOLLOWERS AND SPONSORS AND NO MORE FREE STUFF AND NO MORE 100 COMMENTS PER POST AND HOW CAN I FOLLOW YOU I AM SO SAD I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!”

You can still follow me.  We are still friends, and I love you.  I still have my sponsors to the left, to the left, and while we’re talking about them, you should prob check out their shops after reading this here post. I think the protocol for someone like me to up and switch to WP is supposed to go like this-

Get a badass WP site designed by a bloggy bestie turned real lifer. CHECK. P.S. Lilu also does Blogger layouts, but WP is way better. (Google it.)

Make sure every single person who has ever read your blog is aware of your change. Stalk them, bug them, remind them to update their feeds. HAVE YOU DONE THAT, by the way? Just. Sayin.

Comment the shit out of the blogosphere so that everyone knows, hi I’m still here, but on WordPress, you look so pretty and did you update your feed/reader/email/sidebar yet?

Unfortunately, these things had to be put on hold for a lil. Life happened.

I had a wake up call, a few actually, in a very short time span.   I’ve been extremely lucky, in my life to not have experienced many “WHAT IF” moments. And I’m not talking about the what if I’m having a bad hair day, or what if he doesn’t like me, or what if this bra cracks my ribs.  I’m talking about the big what if’s, the ones that haunt you.

After I lost control of my car Friday, I did what I will probably always do when I’m scared, no matter how old I get.  I called my dad and hysterically cried.  Trying to break through my sobbing he said- “Honey, IS EVERYONE OK? CAN YOU WALK? IS YOUR MOM OK?” “uh huh” I said…and then he said, “Well, then it’s ok. Nothing else matters. Everything else can be fixed.”

Everything else can be fixed.

I was taking my laptop to my techy man friends house because on Thursday night it just stopped working. INSERT PANIC. I hate Friday afternoon’s on  freeways, especially in the rain but- I NEEDMYCOMPUTER-how the hell was I supposed to survive my change to WP without my laptop, comments, posting, emails, twitter, work, pictures, gchat, shoot me in the face.

If you follow me on Twitter, you may have read me bitching about having a BMW and how expensive they are to repair.  Yeah, I’m keenly aware of how lame and spoiled I sound. My mom said later that I’m lucky I have said BMW-because it’s heavy, sturdy and maybe a different car wouldn’t have kept us as safe.

I’m not going to be cliche’ and say, having a computer no longer matters to me, and spending money on a car only to crash it the next day is just dirt off my shoulder. Um, no. It fucking sucks.

But everything can be fixed.

Losing control of my car is a huge metaphor for where I’m at in my life-and I apologize for the cheesiness of that statement. I am here for a reason, and there are some things I need to get under control. I’ve been given a second chance, a free pass-a costly one, but a free one. I want to continue to do good things-to touch people’s hearts, to make a difference. I want to notice the little things and hug my loved ones a little tighter. I want to be open to my purpose.  I want to love my life, not just during the good, fabulous, glamorous times. I want to hug my sister just because…not just because we realized what could have been lost.

Talking to Lauren today, I had a bit of an epiphany.  I, admittedly, am the most extreme person on earth.  I love it or hate it. I’m all or nothing. I’m ecstatic jumping up and down life of the party or I’m not answering my phone and hiding under the covers.  I’m either a complete sweetheart or a total bitch.

She likened my life to a roller-coaster, and it has been-my entire life has been the HIGHEST of highs or LOWEST of lows.  Most of this hasn’t been my fault.  My childhood was crazy glamorous and also insanely sad.

My adult life has followed this same pattern. I don’t think I know how to just…be. Happy medium. It’s not comfortable for me, there always must be extreme emotions happening-but I need to learn to get there. I want to break this pattern. Because now, even in my personal low’s…

Everything can be fixed. And my life-even if things aren’t at the highest of highs, should be treasured, each moment, each breath, I want to make more beautiful than the last.

For now, I smile. Smiling is the new black, haven’t you heard?

Thank you for reading this. I have a computer on the way, and will be back in full effect on Monday with the damn Covergirl review, talks of bloggy meet ups, and birthdays in Vegas. This is my last week of being…21. ha.

Share/Bookmark

I rarely use my blog as a way to communicate with someone else, I think that’s lame. However…in the spirit of the month of L-O-V-E, I’m breaking my own rule. So dear Mr.,

Image via

Share/Bookmark