Wow, hi. I hope the holidays were lovely for you and yours.

The last month was a blur of family, friends, travel and way too much delicious food, and I was simply too busy shoving every kind of christmas cookie available in my mouth to play much attention to anything else, especially the blog.

But I mean, who cares?  Blog posts about why someone hasn’t been blogging are quite possibly the most boring thing ever.  So I’ll just say this-I’ve been living life, and it’s pretty rad. Do people still say “rad”? I’m bringing it back.

Moving right along.

Someone shoved a video camera in my face at 12:02 am on January 1st and asked what my New Years resolution was.  I didn’t have anything to say, so I chugged my champagne like the lady I am and said “I want a puppy!” Luckily my boyfriend followed that by a bunch of mumbo jumbo about “health” and “happiness” and “blah blah” to which I said “oh yeah, that too!”

I’m not the biggest fan of New Years resolutions.  I just feel that there is so much in life that is out of our control-good and bad.  A year ago, I didn’t know that I was going to drop everything, move to Costa Rica and become a personal trainer.  I prefer to live in the moment-or at least that is what I’m trying to do a little bit more, every day.

Tropical humidity + curly hair=THAT monstrosity

With that said, goals are fantastic. And really, as much as “resolutions” annoy me, there is something to be said about starting off a new year with a fresh perspective and a few personal goals.

1. Be Kind(er) Be Nice(er) Be Patient(er?)
Unless you’ve hurt my family or friends (don’t mess with my people), or eaten the last of my ice cream in the freezer (um, ruuude), I’m going to be pretty damn nice to you. I’m a nice girl. Manners, forgiving, caring, the whole thing. Usually. I also have a feisty latina temper, a strong personality and little patience for people I don’t understand. I am working on taking a minute before I react, and, on that note, reacting from a place of compassion.  I don’t always have to be “right”…sometimes being kind is just more important.

2. Power over anxiety
If you’re a long time reader, you know that I have shared my struggles with anxiety in the past. I’m at a different place with anxiety now, due I’m sure to my new life-moving to Costa Rica, living away from my family, and proving to myself that the anxiety won’t always win. The most crippling thing about anxiety, for me, is the fear. Fear of failure. Fear of loss. Fear of all the terrible, horrible, heinous things that could happen…fear like this traps you, and it makes you feel like these things have happened-when they haven’t. When they might never, ever, EVER happen. And this leads to the worst part of anxiety-the loss of your joy. My joy. I spend so much time worrying and being upset about things that simply haven’t happened and it holds me back from the life I want, and the wonderful life I have. My goal? Live in the moment-quite literally. Take more deep breaths. Squeeze my boyfriends hand to remind myself of where I am. And most importantly, keep taking chances and risks-the best way to take control of your anxiety is to prove it wrong.

3. Love Better
My boyfriend is insanely amazing. He constantly does things to make my life easier, to make me smile, and to make me feel loved. He’s extremely patient with this feisty anxious latina, and all cliche’s aside, the dude is my absolute best friend. Plus, he’s hot. I feel like I do a good job of letting him know how appreciated he is, and how much I love him, but there’s always more I can do. So I’m gonna do it.

Add car photos to the list of things he sits through for me…doesn’t he look thrilled?

And I still want a puppy.

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(Hold up-realllll quick-I post a lot of personal pictures on my blog and I generally don’t mind anyone using them, but if you do-would you mind shooting me an email and letting me know?  It can be a little weird to be going through my reader and see pictures of myself. Thanks!! XO )

I was about to hit publish on this long, slightly emo post about healing, and the sense of urgency I have to just be ok. I will post it, but ya know…it’s Thanksgiving.

I’ve decided-come to an executive decision, if you will. I am ok, and wherever you are in your life, you’re ok too. Not to sound too Oprah, but we only have these moments, and I’m choosing to surround myself with happiness, and love, and big hugs. 

I’m looking forward to the rest of the week with my family, and my friends, and a ton of food and alcohol (let’s keep it real).  I’m looking forward to quiet nights spent working furiously on my new site-a fire has been lit underneath me basically overnight (almost DONE FOR REALS), I’m looking forward to boots and scarves and my wearing my new Thanksgiving dress.  I’m looking forward to hugging this gorgeous girl tomorrow…who happens to be one of my best friends in that thing we call “real life”, WHO happens to live in the same city as where I’m spending Thanksgiving with my family.  It’s been established we will probably both cry when we see each other…the last few months have been A DOOZY and kept us apart, and there is seriously no relief like that of a good friend who just gets you and knows when to turn the Jay-Z up full blast.  Also, we’re shopping.

I’m thankful for the little things that bless me everyday, I’m thankful for a friend who believes in me so much she gave me a gift that I will use to make her proud (HOLY vague, but yeah…Kelly, I love you), I’m thankful for forgiveness, and I’m thankful for green tea, for a jobby job I love,  for new surprise pink Hurley beanies perfect for snowboarding season left on my doorstep by a cute boy, awesome new glasses sent to me just because (post on this coming up), but soooo thankful that my days as the pirate fashion blogger are over–contacts=scratched cornea’s=patches=not cute.

I’m thankful for my little dog who still brings me a toy every time I walk in my door, I’m thankful that I lived to tell my story, I’m thankful that I still treasure my self worth, and even in my darkest moments…I keep going.
I’m thankful for you, and your kindness and love and willingness to share your stories with me.
I’m thankful that each day is an opportunity to turn it all around.

Sending you all my love this week…Happy Thanksgiving to you in the States.  I’ll be back on Monday with a shitload of stuff to share…outfit posts, GLASSES, and emo/healing bullshit. I jest, it’s totes important to talk about our feelings and stuff…but let’s just be happy for now, ok? Ok.

Love you, mean it.

Closing comments because…ya’ll need to NOT BE ONLINE THIS WEEK. Go hug someone!  Go eat!  Go lay on the couch and watch football with a 12 pack of Pumpkin Blue Moon and avoid Black Friday (heaven knows that’s what I’ll be doing)…mmmmm.

This post was supported by some lovely people who make gorg fashion jewelry…check it out, it’s worthwhile.

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It started in April. April 1st, to be exact.  I wrote this post on Lilu’s amazing brainchild, In It To Gym It.  I was incredibly depressed, unmotivated, unhealthy and gaining weight at a rapid rate-and it showed.

I didn’t realize just how much it showed until last night when my friend/old personal trainer Steven sent me a “Before” picture he had snapped right before one of our work out sessions.  I avoided the camera like the plague during this period, so I’ve been a bit bummed I haven’t had any “Before” shots-until now.  Watch what you wish for!  I’m nervously posting this, but as the always so wise Lexa reminded me…

“Share It All. It’s Who You Are.”April 2010-August 2010-October 2010

I’m going through a hard time, as most of you know. This picture is NOT (solely) about what I look like…it’s about how I feel. It’s reminded me that I can do anything I want, that I can persevere, and that taking care of myself has to come before anything else.

I’m damn proud of myself and I needed this. I’m not going to tell you my weight or my pants size, I think the picture speaks for itself in that regard. I’m not going to breakdown my workouts, or what I eat-if you have questions, I’m only an email away. Let me know if this is a post you’re even interested in?  I’ve been on the fence about it.

I’m working on my new site-all about health/fitness and BALANCE…and I can’t wait to share it with you. If my experiences (and the ones of so many of my girls who are going through rough times lately) have taught me anything, it’s that life is short, insane and precious-and I want to spend my days doing what I love. There is so much we can’t control, but I want to get up everyday and hopefully help someone. Hopefully inspire…because I can almost guarantee you-I’ve been there, I’ve thought it, I’ve done it, and so on…nothing can shock me.

So much love to those of you who have encouraged me on this journey, and continue to do so-you know who you are.

xoxo.

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You guys…I am NOT 19.  I thought I had sarcasm on lock, but some of you, BLESS YOUR HEARTS, thought I just turned 19.  Nasomuch…

All this 19 talk got me thinking, and I’m finally breaking through the raging case of  bloggers block I’ve had this week.  I am someone who is always looking ahead, learning, moving on, closing chapters, shutting, sometimes slamming, doors in an effort to just get on with it. I don’t think I realized what a defining year 19 was for me until all your comments brought it up, so thanks for the blogspiration, betches.

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another, unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, of fix us in the present. We are made of layers, cells, constellations.”

The Diary of Anaïs Nin Vol. 4 (1971); as quoted in Journal of Phenomenological Psychology Vol. 15 (1984)

When I was 19, I was going to school and shopping like it was my job, because I had more money than I knew what to do with.  I was a cocktail server and quickly learned how to flirt my way to $100 tips on a $12 bar tab.  I didn’t have to worry about pesky things like rent or car insurance, and my father was a phone call away if I ever “needed” anything.  I grew up going to church on Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings and suddenly, I didn’t have to anymore-not to mention this was on the tail end of some very personal incidences that would leave me forever questioning organized religion.  When I was 19, I was seeking the antithesis of what my entire life had been, and I found the perfect catalyst for this in the form of a tall, dark and handsome ASU grad who wore Abercrombie and Fitch from head to toe, lived in San Diego and manipulated the shit out of me.  I fell in love of course (because who can resist that), a love that would lift me up to heaven and then kick me down to hell, sometimes in the same week, same day, same hour.  The every other day heartbreak caused me to stop eating, and taught me how to self medicate with strawberry Arbor Mist while watching Road Rules. It also taught me that my body, and sex, could be used as a weapon.  This relationship would go on until I was 21, when I would finally, to the relief of all my friends and family, slam the door on his chapter of my life.

Another man changed my life when I was 19, but he would do so in his death. My step-father passed away, and this was my first encounter with death and grief.  I witnessed my Mom, my everything, crumble because she had lost her soul-mate suddenly and tragically, while he was in Switzerland on business. I remember wondering how she could love someone so much and becoming terrified that I too, someday, would love someone that much and then lose him.  I still have this fear, which becomes evident in my anxiety if my boyfriend doesn’t call me when he is traveling. When I was 19, my best friend moved to Northern California, which isn’t bad AT ALL, but at the time, at that age, it seemed so far away.  Years later, I would be the maid of honor at her wedding and realize that the friends who matter are the ones whose distance from you doesn’t.  When I was 19, I had so many opportunities, dreams, goals, ideas.  Some I would accomplish, some I let fly by because I was just too busy being…nineteen.

I still have so many opportunities, dreams, goals and ideas.  Some I still let pass me by.  I still question organized religion, but treasure my faith.  ASU guy is a very distant memory, but the lessons I learned about love, and myself, in that relationship are still fresh, and I hope I never forget them.  My Mom is fabulous, and has taught me that a love like the one she had is worth having, even if you lose it too soon and that I can’t control everything, as much as I would love to.  My dad is still a phone call away if I need anything, although these days I call him because I want to, not because I want something. My boyfriend gets in trouble if he doesn’t call me when he travels. I no longer self medicate with Arbor Mist through a straw, I’m mature now, people. It’s all about a bottle of Pinot Noir while watching Jersey Shore.  Nothing like the sweet, sweet smell of progress.

But I can’t walk by an Abercrombie and Fitch without wanting to vom.

Back to my regular posting schedule on Monday, after VegasVegasVegas!

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First,

I realized how much I’ve been taking for granted. Nasomuch the gorgeous scenery…I’m not going down that route here, although are we spoiled geographically? Absolutely.

{Credit-My sis, the photog. I was too busy lurking on hot surfers and putting them on Twitter. So I creep…yeahhhhh}

I don’t usually eat corn dogs. I eat maybe one hot dog a year, or when they’re forced upon me at sporting events. They just tend to freak me out in general. My sister stumbled upon this little corn dog and lemonade shack one night at 2am once, and she took me there, this time at 2 in the afternoon. We walked on the pier, there were dolphins and I was eating meat on a stick. For the first time in a long time, I felt free. Who knew that’s all I needed?

I’m still searching for balance. Between being here but wanting to be there, NOW, between filling voids within myself with things, people I shouldn’t rather than taking the time to find out what exactly is making me feel so empty sometimes. I’m stuck in that completely annoying place where the one I want is the one I can’t have, and as I sit here typing this, listening to old soul music and quite pleased with the manicure I got today (Essie Mink Muffs ftw), I’m searching for the answer to what the hell am I doing with my life. What really matters? Do we ever really know? Or do we just do the best we can, take the bad along with the good and sometimes, just enjoy a god damn corn dog? It was a REALLY good corn dog.

Today, new beginnings…amazing opportunities. I am now an official freelance writer…you know, one who gets paid. My head is spinning, and when my pieces go up-pieces I am working on like crazy right now, you’ll be the first to know, and as always, your support means the world.

Have a fabulous weekend!! My Giveaway is extended til Monday-I’m lazy busy.

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For some reason, I’m putting a lot of pressure on myself, on this post. I think that basically sums up New Years, anyway, no? A lot of fucking pressure…it has to be better. It has TO. Right? I mean, I know that’s all I’m hanging on to lately. I’m going to forgo the usual resolutions…yes, I ate like it was going out of style this last month and have ignored the gym, my trainer-HI STEVEN, and Jillian Michaels.

I’m not where I thought I would be, but I am learning that maybe I’m where I am supposed to be. I’m standing on the edge of a huge jump, one that I’m doing on my own…without a ring on my finger, without a hand to hold. But with more confidence and sense of self than I have ever had.

2010…the Unbeweavable journey continues. With you Happy New Year! Be safe! Back on Monday in full force

(Images 1 and 2 via we heart it. 3 is mine.)

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Awwww you guys! I miss you! It’s so freaking bizarre how much I miss blogging, and it’s only been a few days! Just a busy week and life trumped le blog. Boo being busy, you’re a mean muggin whore with bad hair and ugly shoes! I wish I could share more about what I’m doing but my blog is not exactly anonymous and I can’t be too specific…Things should settle down next week so I’ll be back to my usual daily stalkage.

{This is me…stalkin outside your window. So I creep, yeahhh…}

This week has been tough. The industry I’m in, by definition, while fun and fabulous, is TOUGH. I am battling old demons, but I’m going to be a badass and rock it out…and reward myself with some LOUBIES soon! I’m beating myself up because I haven’t worked out all week, but then again, I’ve barely eaten. (I don’t condone this AT ALL, I’m just saying.) I am a perfectionist and pleaser, working on a project that will never be perfect and nobody will ever be pleased=anxiety city.

Nothing will ever be good enough for them, so it’s just going to have to be good enough for me, with my new shoes and my (soon) new blonde hair. Appt has been made, I’m dragging Hanako along to perhaps film a Vlog or as she said, a “documentary”-”When Liz goes batshit crazy and dyes her hair platinum”…it could be the beginning of a series…”When Liz goes batshit crazy and …” I’ve got material for days, srsly.

But I digress.

I’m sorry to come back and write a post that is more for me than anyone else. I NEED to remind myself tonight, as the week is coming to an end, that next week will be better. That yes, this mess I was hired to clean up is worse than I ever could have imagined, the pressure is palpable but every day, I DO make it better. I was hired for a reason. And I’m getting a damn good name to put on my resume!

Chin up! Heels on! Tosses weave! Stress can suck it DRY!

{Game Face ON! Uh, I wish that was my face. lol.}

Happy Friday my loves! What are you doing this weekend? I want to drink a lot and shake my money maker with the girls! And of course read your blogs while trying an eggnog latte from Starbucks…are they good? I keep hearing about them, but I’m not an eggnog fan usually. Ummm, cool now we’re talking about eggnog here? Super.

XOXO,

Liz

P.S. Well, color me a jackass bloggy buddy. Totes didn’t announce the fabulous Ciao, Chessa giveaway winner! So lucky you…I’m extending it til Monday cuz mama is too lazy to count all the entries!!

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{Courtesy of my love Bella at Vintage Lollipops}

My life has changed so much in LIT-rilly a few days, and I’m excited, overwhelmed, thankful that the connections I have made over the years were not in vain…I should be over the moon right now. And I am. I SO am.

There is this ugh annoying part of me, however, that is so fundamentally terrified to be happy, so today, I actively seeked out something I knew would make.me.feel.like.shit. Worked like a charm. I’d lie and say I did it subconsciously, but in 2.5 seconds I was able to explain to my sister and Brooke why I was doing it, so I’m not going to front here.

My career-Starting Monday, I am going to be rillyrilly busy on a huge project and I might lag on the comments…but I highly doubt it as ya’ll are as much a part of my day to day as a venti skinny vanilla latte with an extra shot chased by a full throttle and a bag of peanut mm’s….

{Basically been wanting to use this picture forever. Badass B with her S bux. FAB.}

My heart-all I know is that someone is trying his darndest to sweep me off my feet, and I’m letting him. I was no doubt the girliest of girls at the Ducks game, and def out of my element…(took extreme-ehem-SMART measures to protect my Rebecca Minkoff bag by drinking my Blue Moon out of a sippy cup with a straw.) But I totally dug the violence! HOT! RAWR! We were so close to the glass that everytime the puck hit it, I think I jumped a mile. So fun, and my date thought my straw was cute, so win win…

{Yes, B, M and I call my bag “Becky”…she’s too purdy for an NHL game again kthxbai}

So…why, when things are going so well, do I choose instead to spend hours focusing on something guaranteed to bring me down? Unhappiness is not where I want to dwell, feeling yucky is not going to be my comfort zone anymore! I don’t want to continue to believe I don’t deserve things to work out, I don’t want to live in fear that things are going to go wrong.

See, there’s this girl. Not a blogger. I repeat, NOT A BLOGGER. But there’s this girl…she’s beyond gorgeous, in love, just got married and living “the” dream. I know her, or I used to. She has everything I thought I wanted…my old plans are her reality. She has security in everything that I don’t. I always thought my life would end up just like hers. And I know, ya’ll, I know…nobody has the perfect life, nothing is what they seem (espesh on sites like FB)…but my gawd…her wedding pictures, ALL 900 of them (900? Who does that?)-I couldn’t tear myself away until I was near tears thinking wtf is the matter with me?? (I’m DEF not upset about not being married!! Not my point…)

I took a different path…and here I am, on the brink of a huge career leap, dating someone who treats me like a princess, but STILL a part of me would give anything to trade lives with this girl. The other part, says NO. Even if nothing in my life is “secure”…I’m going to have to work harder than ever career wise, I am taking things day by day with this guy and that’s just where I’m at right now. Sometimes I wonder if she compares herself to me. I hate that I even bother to care, stopping NOW. I need to keep the emotional cutting to a minimum…srsly…life is GOOD.

{I am choosing to be HAPPY. It’s a decision, sometimes.}

So...

I will wish this beautiful girl well on her journey…

I will work harder than ever…

I will keep taking risks…

I will keep my heart open…

I will take it day by day…or date by date…

I will wake up thankful for the opportunites I have, the people I am going to meet…

I will continue on my journey, and realize that it is MINE and mine alone, as we are all on different ones, and they are not to be compared or judged…

I will hustle, rock it like a badass, take charge, toss my hair and drink beer out of a straw because that’s how I roll…

I will be happy.

I am dying to see all your Halloween posts/pics/shenanigans!

Besos!

XOXO,

Liz

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It’s official. For some reason I am more nervous writing this post than I any I have before, and umm if you’ve read my blog you know that’s saying a lot.

Dreams do come true.

Meet my baby. Black Label Media Group. All mine. The website will be launching soon, but I already have some amazing clients, ten years in the Fashion Marketing and PR industry to back me up and give me the confidence I need when I panic and realize I have no safety net. Sneak peek-Check out my kick ass business card, thank you Kelly (she’s amazing.) I thought it was time to share a little more with my amazing support system…YOU.

I’m excited. I can do this. And I love and thank the people who think I can’t, because they just make me want it even more. I’ve never failed at anything in my life and I’m certainly not starting now. Haters are the best motivaters!

Anything you want to do…you can, dolls, you CAN.

Black Label Media Group caters to the Fashion and Beauty industries, and specializes in Marketing and Branding, Public Relations, SEO, in addition to Photo Shoot, Fashion Show and Events Production and Promotions….among many other things.

For now, I can be reached at itsunbeweavable@gmail.com

Thank you for your constant support. Wish me luck! I apologize for the blatant self-promotion

XOXO,

Liz

Pssst. Fabulous Giveaway tomorrow…just sayin.

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Hi!

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