On We Love Dates today, I wrote a post I’m pretty damn proud of.  Why I Don’t Believe That If He’s Not Calling Me, He’s Not Thinking About Me.A watched phone never rings. Or something. And stuff. Don’t worry. He likes you.

Check my post out? I love you! XOXO

Hi…sorry for the “language.” But I kind of had to, considering the week I have in front of me! But first-HAIII DOLLS. It’s so effing late right now, I just ran 6 miles, super hyper and I was like, wow maybe I should blog-it’s only been 3 weeks. Sorry. Life and the pursuit of happiness have cut into my internet time. But that’s another story…

Anyways, what’s up with you?  If we’re twitter friends, AMEN. If not, GET THEE ON TWITTER. I want to know what’s going on, what you had for lunch, ya know, the usual twitter nonsense. I’m not sure if anyone even reads this blog anymore, but what the hell. I’m so excited I had to share! The emo-weavable girl smiles!

This week couldn’t be more amazing.  I am so ready to rock out with my umm…something out. Sooo Tuesday my lovebug Kathleen is coming from Vegas for a 2 night sleepover because Wednesday we’re going to see The Kings Of Leon and it’s going to be straight up amazing.Your Sex Is On Fire. And my my so are my panties. If you need to Use Somebody, I’m totes available. OK I’M DONE.

So yeah, 3 days with one of my besties, watching the Hills, skyping with Oughta (her blog is private. boo for you), girl talk, laying out (GET IT TOGETHER CALI WEATHER I HATE YOU AND EARTHQUAKES STOP IT), and KOL on a summer night. LOVES.

THEN! I have 2 days to recover because on Sunday I’m off to VEGAS! Where I get to see Kathleen again! WHAT THE AMAZING BUGLOVE. I know. My best friend of the penis variety/personal trainer DAN (Haiii Dan) is the biggest MxPx fan like ever.  They’re playing a once in a lifetime show at the Hard Rock Sunday night, and guess who he’s dragging with…me.  Punk show here I come.  Keep me out of the mosh pit, but don’t mind if I do bump into a few full sleeved skater boy hotties. Just sayin.Fine. Take me to Vegas. Twist my arm. I’m SUCH A GOOD FRIEND.  I hope the fans look like righty. Gonna get me a wolf pack…

Have a “rocking” week. I had to say that. Sorry.

Love you…mean it…and disabling comments because it’s just not fair since I have no time to reciprocate. I got rockstars and sleepovers and work to do. But I do miss you and hope all is well-I’ve been creepin. All together now…soooo I creep…yeahhhhh.

Time for bed. xoxo

Today, I am grateful.

For…

A Best friend who shows up at my house just as I was about to need her the most…

…and tells me I need to make a phone call I don’t want to but in the same breath says, “While you’re doing it, I’ll put Jay-Z on and everything will be ok.”

Jay-Z and his music. MAGIC, I tell you.

Beer. Macaroni and cheese. CARBS! Pinkberry! All eaten WITH my personal trainer, by the way.

Said personal trainer reassuring me that it’s totes ok to eat my feelings because he’ll kick my ass bright and early the next morning. He did.

Realizing that nothing just happens. Realizing that I am surrounded by love, by people who care, who’s actions speak louder than words…and choosing NOT to allow one let down take me back to the dark place, the place where I expect this, deserve this, should have known this would happen blah blah blah. Wondering if I’ve closed the door on that dark place for good.  For now, I just choose to smile because my life, with all of it’s ups and downs, is just so GOOD…and so damn fun. On that note…

Dating like a mother-effing MAN.

Soulmates who get web cams for the sole purpose of furthering our co-dependency via Skype, and why do I feel like Chris Hansen should be knocking on my door every time I say “web cam” like I’m straight out of To Catch a Predator or something?!

Texts from San Fran, San Diego, Canada, Florida, New York-from girls who prove distance is just a state of mind and friendship laughs in the face of state lines and time zones.

Confidence that does not come from smaller dress sizes, but from within. New plans. New career goals and a network of friends ready and willing to do anything to help.

Today, I am grateful. What are you grateful for?

Last week, the world lost a beautiful girl too soon, a girl who was closer to my sister than I, someone who was just SO special. Gretchen was there for my sister when I lived far away, when my sister needed a friend the most. Gretchen always gave me a huge hug when I saw her and had a smile on her face permanently-she was a true LIFE LIVER. Quirky, silly, with such a great sense of self-I used to watch her from a far and marvel at someone who knew who she was inside and out, and wasn’t afraid of it. She embraced it. It’s so cliche’ and I fear, selfish of me to think this way, but it is yet another reminder that life is all too short, that all we have is this moment, this day to be a good friend, to say the things we should have said, to swallow our pride and apologize. To be ourselves and take chances, and LIVE every moment of this life we have been blessed with.

You can read more about Gretchen on my sister’s blog-she wrote a truly lovely tribute.

XO

This is hard for me to write about. If you’re looking for rainbows and butterflies, this isn’t the one for you today.

For a while, it seemed I obsessed about a finding love.
I’m no longer obsessing about men, being in a relationship, getting married and having babies. What happens happens, and I have no control over that.

It seems like my “obsessing” has jumped from one ship to another. Instead of my heart, I’m obsessed with my body. One of the main reasons I haven’t been blogging/reading/commenting is because I’ve been working out so much, and while that’s a great thing, I can see, and feel myself slipping to the dark side. Another reason I’ve been avoiding blogs is because I compare myself to everyone, and I do that enough in real life, or watching TV, movies and reading fashion mags. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, and in a sea of fashion bloggers-I just felt it better to distance myself.

Talking about weight is taboo, and also so annoying, so I’m sorry. But it’s eating me alive, and hopefully by purging all of these toxic thoughts now, I can wake up tomorrow in a better place.

I’m supposed to be skinny because I used to model. I’m supposed to be skinny because companies send me clothes so I’ll do lookbooks, and then hopefully you’ll buy their products. I’m supposed to be skinny because I’ve been super skinny before, and because I live in the most superficial place on earth (or at least top 3).

I started this journey to be healthy. I started working out with a trainer and a friend (hiiii HEATHER), I overhauled my diet and began eating extremely “clean.” It didn’t happen over night, but my body started to change. Not just dress sizes, but muscles began appearing-GUN SHOW, yo. (Not exactly, but whatev.) My energy is soaring and my anxiety has been amazingly diminished.

These are all great things, and I’m damn proud of myself. My family and friends who see me all the time are proud too. I used to sleep in til 11 on Saturdays, now I’m up at 730 doing running mans and planks. I can wear things I haven’t felt comfortable in again, and this weekend was the first time I wore a bikini this year…and I felt good, with no need to cover up in a tank like I might have before.

But I’m terrified to go out to eat. I’m terrified to eat, period-but I know, I KNOW my body needs the fuel. I avoid social situations because of the food or alcohol, I find myself tossing and turning at night wondering if the 2 hours of cardio I did at the gym was enough. I get a little too happy for my liking that my collarbone is visible. I plan my day around the gym (sometimes twice a day) and getting in enough protein after my workouts. Meaning no, I can’t meet up with you after the gym even though you need to talk because I have to go home and have a protein shake and I’m sorry I’m a bad friend right now but if I go to Starbucks I’ll miss the “golden hour” during which I HAVE to have protein. I actually said that to one of my friends! Like a crazy person! Makes me want to burst into tears right now. I was invited to Vegas this weekend and my first thought was ohhhh I bet the hotel has a nice gym. WHAT THE HELL. Heather and I had plans to see Sex and the City 2 on Friday night and I almost cancelled because I felt I needed to go run stadiums-the anxiety was debilitating. Luckily, I got a grip and we had a fabulous girls night out. Thankfully, I have friends like Heather who I can tell what I’m feeling and she can drop kick me (nicely) back to reality.

If you’re close to me, as some of you are, most of our conversations, at some point circle back around to my new “lifestyle”…I love you for not telling me to shut the hell up. I also love you for telling me to take care of myself. If you’re REALLY close to me, as in see me everyday-I ask you multiple times a day how I look. I hate that I am that girl now.

I’m dating a personal trainer, and I can’t be the only one who find this oddly ironic. Life, stop it with your silly shenanigans! On our first date he went to town on some gourmet mac and cheese and I picked at a salad. (I guzzled the wine though. I mean, I haven’t completely forgotten who I am.) His body is ridiculous and now I feel the pressure is on even more. Of course, I’m completely disregarding how he mentioned he doesn’t like girls who are “too thin” and told me, “you better not lose your boobs!”

When did I go from healthy to a woman obsessed…was it when the big changes started happening? Was it 2 weekends ago when I went out with six guys and realized I held all the control, and somehow convinced myself that they would have held all the control 3 dress sizes ago? I don’t want to stop-I’m not going to stop-but I know myself enough to realize that I’m nearing a dangerous place. A place I’ve been before and a place I never thought I’d be again. A place where there is no such thing as good enough.

I received a few INCREDIBLE emails this weekend, just full of support, for no other reason than they felt I needed it. Maybe to make me feel better after making such an ass out of myself on my vlog?! They all mentioned that I empower my readers, and while that warms my heart and makes me want to keep on going…I don’t feel very empowered at the moment. I’m smart enough to know that I’m obsessed with working out and eating like a bird because everything else is always so OUT of control.  Not in a bad way, I’m happy right now-but it could go away. And that terrifies me. This is one thing I don’t have to rely on anyone for. It’s all me. Nobody can let me down.

Goals for the week-
Post this very personal blog. Opening up about this very scary subject might be all I need.
Live my life. Go wine tasting this weekend with a bestie and EAT CHEESE. Omg I miss cheese.
Love my body. Appreciate how far I can run now, how much I can lift, be excited that my insomnia has been cured naturally, etc.
Put my relationships before my “obsession.”
Listen to my body. Give it the rest, fuel, appreciation it deserves. It is not the enemy.

It is NOT the enemy.  I am good enough-no matter what size jeans I wear. And so are you. xo

Ohhhh haiiiii…
I MISS YOU. A little over 2 weeks of no blogging, barely any blog reading, rarely tweeting (although I made up for that this weekend like WHOA)…and a lot of thinking about what to do with this lil piece of mine.

First things first though-WHAT A WEEKEND. You know when you’re all, I just want to lay out by the pool and be mellow…and then you find yourself on 6 dates (some with the same person), staying out until 6am (I’m too old for this shit), running bleachers, shopping with the gay bff and buying a romper (A ROMPER. I have this new body kinda…and I guess that means confidence…which I guess means rompers? Help), meeting tons of new people, drinking, drinking, drinking, and then drunk tweeting oops, explaining said drunk tweets to your nearest and dearest girls who are all WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?, making out, and at the end of the 3 day madness cuddling on the couch with a hot guy who just seems to fit, watching the Bachelorette and laughing at his impersonations of  ”the weather man”, making plans for the future and wondering how the hell this happened?

Yep, yep. That’s me. Right now. If this is any indication of how Summer is going to be…I like what I’m seeing. I like it a lot. Starbucks drive-thru fish face with John-pre Whitney Houston sing a long, and yeah he’s wearing a headband.May I recommend some Fat Cat Pinot Noir? Meow.I’m dating a personal trainer. With an MBA. Who watches the Bachelorette with me. Just…let me be happy.

Anyways. I’m sure ya’ll are on pins and needles about what I’m going to do with my blog.  Well.  I’m not leaving you, but I am moving.  To Tumblr.  The last two weeks I’ve been thinking a lot about It’s Unbeweavable!, and what it means to me, and what I can realistically keep up with.  I can’t imagine my life without you (I wish I could quit you), but I also LOVE LIVING MY LIFE, without worrying about taking photos of every moment, or spilling my heart and soul out just for the sake of giving a good read.  On my new site, I’ll be doing more of a “Lifecast”-some days I’ll write, some days I’ll throw up a picture of my new romper, etc.  I’m getting it all set up, and I’ll let you know when it’s ready to go and I hope you like it!!  This is inspired by my all time favorite blogger, Julia Allison. So NO ABSOLUTELY NOT RETIRING!!! You’re stuck with me.

Anyways…I’m still here for now! And on We Love Dates!

Love you, mean it.  I hope you are all doing amazing.  I wish I could express how much you have touched my life over the past year and a half-there just aren’t enough words.xoxo

I love Spring! March is one big fat sigh of relief in general.  November to February is so fun, but a wee exhausting, no?  I almost feel like this is when my real new year starts.  I woke up super happy today, after a particularly rough weekend.  I have so much to look forward to…here’s a little peek into my Spring/Summer.

And Nicole

Bod-spiration. Thank you P90x, Jillian Michaels and daylight savings so I can run at night. (I watch too much SVU and Criminal Minds so I get scurrrred in the dark/always.) Also? Yes, I want a bikini that matches my blog…don’t judge.

Summer cocktails. And by that you know I mostly mean Sangria from a bottle. OH and Caipirinha’s. And basically anything with a lil umbrella ella ella in it.

Hundred plus degree temps. Crowds < Coachella. Worth it. LarouxJayZMGMTVampireWeekendPhoenix. I die.

Trading in the yoga pants for dresses. Dresses that um, support. Fabulous.

Hawaii. Unplugging.

Taking my fashion blogging to new levels with new toys.

The future of It’s Unbeweavable! Seen worn by my fave fashion bloggers…soon…leeeaked. Thank you Nina. Kelly might even come out of retirement.
Happy Birthday to my lovebug…Kathleen. I LOVE and MISS YOU! Looking forward to floating down lazy rivers with you in Vegas. Shocking

Happy Spring, loves. Besos!

This week totally got away from me and I forgot to announce the Covergirl giveaway winners…Sarah at A Life More Exciting, Jamie at La vie…j’aime and Lindsay at Bella Cene’. I will email you ladies-congrats! xo

Both images Via

Just a lil blessed list…because I need one…

So many amazing opportunities lately.  The lil red light I see blinking on my bberry every 2 seconds?  That?  Is a blessing. Not a burden.

Quotes/reminders/ass kickers like this from my current favorite book (and one of the most thoughtful gifts I’ve ever received) “If You Have To Cry, Go Outside. And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You.” by Kelly Cutrone. P.S. Nina did a great review of this book, and all I have to say is AGREED. P.S.S GAWD I LOVE KELLY CUTRONE.

“If anyone really wanted to change the world, they’d bring in the fashion bitches, because nobody gets things done faster.” Amen.

Friends who make me laugh, buy me copious amounts of champagne (Kelly), challenge, listen, encourage, hug, accept and love.

On that note-absolutely ridiculous g-chat conversations and emails that get me through the day.

New nail polish, perfect for spring.

Butterflies. Magic words. Plans. Faith.

Why were you blessed this week?  Tell me, tell me.

Happy Weekend, lovers!

via thanks to the beauty file

It’s hot in here.

Possibly because I currently have 3 appliances plugged in (blow dryer, flat iron, curling iron), all to achieve the effortless waves you like so much, and I realize that the next time I want to deny that I am high maintenance, I’ll just effing sigh in resignation. I concede.

I wonder if I’ll ever be a “wash and wear” hair kind of girl, and if not what does that say about me? Decide not to give it a second thought. Decide not to care what people think if I include that in a blog post. For now, it means I’ll have pretty princess hair for the day, so WIN.

I wonder if I can tell you how happy I am that you’re here. I wonder if it’s too soon to tell you that lately my blessings are feeling like burdens, but I’m working on it-I wonder if you’ll understand what I mean and not judge me. I wonder if you’ll care that a broken friendship of mine is mending and that makes me really happy. I wonder if you’ll ask the right questions, say the right things-I wonder how I’ll react when you don’t. I wonder what will happen when you read the.blog.

Make-up time. It’s amazing what a little Nars Orgasm blush can do. Orgasm. I wonder what it will be like…

I wonder what it will be like when I stop wondering and just know. Know exactly what you smell like after a shower, or when you wake up, or come home from a bike ride and my fabulous, albeit yoga pants clad ass pauses the Kardashians long enough to give you a hug, because I don’t care that you’re sweaty. In fact, I kinda love it. I wonder what it will be like when you know all my friends names, faces and life stories, who’s fighting with who and who’s opinions really matter, who (or who’s boyfriend) will come after you with a hockey stick if you hurt me. I wonder what it will be like when you have coffee (or a martini, knowing her) with my sister, alone, because she’s my world and I’m your world and they’re colliding.

I wonder what it will be like when we bridge the communication gap, the distance gap, the schedule gap. I wonder if we’ll ever completely bridge every.single.gap life throws at us, and I doubt it. I decide again not to worry about it, and instead just hold on to your hand tighter and jump. I decide that if I’m going to be doing all this jumping around, I should do it in style, so I buy these jeans. Something about jumping around screams, “BUY THE HUNTER BOOTS“ to me, so I do. I mean, maybe with all this jumping I’ll land in a puddle, and a girl has got to protect herself.

And if I stumble into that puddle sans the hunter boots, would you lay your coat over it to save my pink satin stilettos?

I wonder…

(Before I get into it-I got my “blojo” (blog mojo haha) back, according to a friend. Thank you for all the sweet emails, comments, twitter-love? twits? huh? For the record, I missed you too!)
I have a lot of expectations.  Of myself.  Of others.  Of things.  I know some of you may think that if you have no expectations, you will never get let down, and while I get that, I don’t think, for me, it’s a very realistic way to live.  I like expectations.  I like standards.  I expect that if I spend 45 minutes curling my hair…my hair had better be curly.

But see, sometimes life happens and you have to run outside your condo and help your lovely friend find parking, because parking is a total cluster of a nightmare at your house, and you want to help her, and it’s raining.  And your hair gets wet, and it’s not curly pretty princess hair anymore.  Sad.

For example.

I expect the brakes in my car to ya know, stop my car. I expect a pair of Paige’s and some 5 inchers to make me feel like a sexy badass, even when I’m convinced I have.nothing.to.wear. and my life is, actually, over.  I expect a venti skinny vanilla latte with a triple shot to perk me up in the mornings, I expect the trackball on my bberry to roll around like it’s supposed to, and while we’re on the subject, I just have to say that I expect way too much from technology in general, but I digress. I expect my birth control to…control and I expect the guy I am using said birth control with to be my best friend too.

Easy, no? What about when you hydroplane and your brakes don’t work?  What if your birth control fails? (OMG NO I’M NOT PREGNANT) What if you’re still a zombie after even 2 venti’s? Is there anything we can count on? What if it turns out he’s not my best friend and just…some guy?

There are very few things that are for sure.  I might hydroplane and my brakes might not work.  I might have on the best jeans ever that make my ass look PHENOMENAL and LOUBIES and still wish I was home in yoga pants and a wife beater.  Technology will fail us some days-might even drive us to tears when we’re totally pmsing.  And the guy I wake up next to in the morning might not be my best friend…yet.

One of my nearest and dearest said this tonight (and made me that cute picture) when I told her what I was writing about-“Expectations are sorta like mini little hopes and prayers.” So with that, I hope and pray that our cars keep us safe, and our phones, computers and birth controls do their respective jobs (or not, if that’s what you want!).  I hope and pray that the next guy I fall asleep with is my best friend, and he’ll definitely think a wife beater and yoga pants is just as sexy as jeans and stilettos…most of the time.

Oh, hi. It’s my birthday. So remember when I was all ohhh I miss you and I’m totes attacking your blogs with a vengeance and making Wordpress my bitch and then I didn’t? Well, you can’t be mad at me because it’s my birthday and I make the rules.  All that stress from last week is now revealing itself in the form of a flu/cold and attacking my shitshow of an immune system.  I’ve been rilly busy anxiously watching the Olympics (I freak when they fall!), and guzzling theraflu. OH, and I was just brought the Canadian version of theraflu, because it’s stronger. So thats fitting, no? Get it?

Ok.

It’s Feb 17th-and…I was born 19 years ago. Do you believe that? REALLY? Although! I was at the DMV last week for 6 hours of my life I’d love to get back and they asked if I was there to take my drivers license test for the first time and I decided to take this as a sign that all the money I spend on “age prevention” is totally working and my Sephora purchases are completely justified. RATHER than I look like complete hell/jailbait without makeup and hair and the whole nine.

Anyways.

So, I’m sick today. Whatever. It’s Wednesday and not much is going on, just MY BIRTHDAY.  And perhaps pancakes with Kelly at 1 am, cuz that’s how we roll. Friday begins THREE CONSECUTIVE WEEKENDS of what I like to call “Jesus be a fence or cheers to making some bad decisions.”

This weekend-birthday and bloggy fun, Cali style. Next weekend-birthday and bloggy fun, VEGAS STYLE. My two worlds colliding. With Ali! And Kathleen! Blog friends turned “real lifers” my life would be empty without are rallying 2 weekends in a row. Glorious. Here’s to topless vampire revues and dancing on the bar at Coyote Ugly like it’s my job.

And then…a round trip plane ticket to San Fran showed up in my inbox. From a boy who is sneaking his way into my heart. HOW SWOON WORTHY IS THAT?  So I’ll be in SF the first weekend in March. I’ll be fairly busy making out with his hotness, but if you want to get coffee or a shot, let me know.

SO YEAH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! And my twin sister of course! I don’t have any revelations or deep thoughts on this birthday-I just want to have FUN. A little magical fun. Good goal, right?

Breaking news-new computer arrived as I’m typing this post…so, it’s OFFICIAL this time. I’m back, dolls. God, I’m so addicted to the internet it’s absurd. Have a lovely Liz’s birthday day!