Badass is a word I use a lot over here-hence, The Badass Files. I love what it means to me, and I am not offended when someone calls me a Badass Bitch. I’m honored. A post on what being a badass bitch really means to me would never be complete without my love, Bella of Vintage Lollipops, the most badass of them all. Big heart, gorgeous soul, amazing closet but does NOT mess around. She grabs life by the balls, and inspires me in the process. And let me tell you-just writing this post has made me feel BETTER. We do not mean to offend, so switch out our filthy language for another word and our sangria for some Starbucks if you need to, as we sprinkle you with our badass fairy dust. Here is our lil collab, a tongue in cheek guide to being, yep…A BADASS BITCH.

A Badass Bitch would never...By Bella

There are moments in a woman’s life when everything is wrong, and nothing’s right… or everything is right and nothing’s wrong. And whether you’re the type that calls on a friend for support, drinks sangria from the bottle, inhales a cookie (or 5) when no one’s looking, or all of the above, we think a woman needs to be one thing… badass.

When it comes to the art of dating, more cases than not seem a careless coloring book filled with unexpected connect-the-dot conundrums to be solved and dissolved. And while the dating disasters of our time are real page turners, a badass bitch understands the notions that while women are from Venus and men are from Uranus… Venus can tell Uranus to F*** off anytime she wants. Okay, but I admit, dating is something of an exhilarating obstacle… I mean, there’s the first obligatory phone call, the first kiss, the first rush of something you swear you’ve never felt before, are certain you’ll never feel again, and the first of all the other many firsts we eventually come to either love or hate entirely.

However, a badass bitch also knows that she must always set the bar higher than the last because a girl’s just gotta have a goal. But come on, when a man proclaims his ever dying affections for you, as sophomoric as they may sound via text message, when it’s followed with, “I’ll pick you up at 7 o’clock, I’ll just stop by my parent’s house and ask for some gas money.” we’ve gotta draw the line somewhere. In this revelatory moment (because yes, this really happened), a badass bitch would never succumb to this sort of omfg nonsense. So, she takes said bar and moves on to the next. She takes the old bar and chucks it. Why? Because she can.

Because (you) She Can. ..By Liz

The badass bitch answers most questions directed towards her this way, but you must understand she never means it in a careless, screw the world kind of way. Quite the opposite, you see. The badass bitch has earned the right to say this, to believe the fundamental fact that she can do anything, have anyone, carve the life she wants for herself…because she can. Because she’s fought-not so much with others at a seedy bar, although that may have happened too, but she’s fought with herself-the hardest fight of them all. With the inner demons that hold her down, tell her she’s not good enough, pretty enough, funny enough. Or maybe she’s too pretty, too funny…nobody will take her seriously, so why try? She’s faced the broken hearts, broken heels, broken dreams we all struggle with, again and again.

Yes, the badass bitch has been there, crying on the floor, hating life, guzzling sangria out of a bottle like it’s her job. So what makes her so different, you ask? She got up the next day and decided to be fabulous, because it’s a choice, not the amount of dolla dolla bills in her bank account or the brand of her heels that make her who she is. The badass bitch knows when to ask for help. She was at the end of her proverbial rope…so then she called a friend to bring some extra over along with some bubbly and they leaned on each other. It’s a choice to be a badass bitch, to not give a damn what people think and live your life, chase your dreams, TRY AGAIN, drink your sangria, love fearlessly and KNOW YOUR WORTH. It’s a choice to demand the best, because you deserve it.

Are you a Badass Bitch? The ultimate badass bitch-ness Challenge

By your badass bitch fairy godmothers Bella and Liz

1. You’re a Badass Bitch if you can accept that women are Venus and men are from Uranus.

2. You’re a Badass Bitch if you drink sangria from a bottle. I mean, obviously.

3. You’re a Badass Bitch if you wear vintage fur, because let’s face it… the people who killed those defenseless little animals are probably dead by now.

4. You’re a Badass Bitch if you’ve ever thought about burning every single bra you’ve ever owned. (I actually set my bra and subsequently, almost my condo, on fire last week…by accident, of course. So think about it…but don’t DO it.)

5. You’re a Badass Bitch if you have at least one cyber stalker.

6. You’re a Badass Bitch if you overlook the stereotypical aspects governed by society.

7. You’re a Badass Bitch if you refuse to let your relationship status, job title, bank account define you.

8. You’re a Badass Bitch if you make the hard decisions, albeit making your own rules up along the way.

9. You’re a Badass Bitch if you (try) to never hate on other women-you’re a badass bitch, not a Mean Girl!

10. You’re a badass bitch if you’re reading this right now!

Above all, you fucking deserve to be treated like a queen, not a drama queen. You will not settle for anything less than your extraordinary worth. You will not settle, period. If a guy doesn’t call you/please you/call you/date you/show up/show down/or prove he’s deserving of your very presence… well then, ‘you just weren’t that into him anyway’. You are fucking amazing. And remember, no one said it better than Vera Donovan & Dolores Claiborne: “Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a ‘badass’ bitch is all a woman has to hold onto.”
Love always,

Liz and Bella

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I was on a conference call last week, and it turned into a complete mess, as most conf calls do. One girl, on the East coast who I’ve never met but have developed a rapport with via phone and email, kept trying to say something valid but nobody would listen. Finally she was able to break through the bitching, moaning and blame game to say, “I know this won’t change anything, but I need to be heard. I need to say this.” And went on to make her point.

Girlfriends. Le sigh, right? So many blogs on the subject, I know. I’ve posted about it before and I adore this post by my friend Brown Girl, as well.

{This post isn’t about the Blair to my Serena, just clarifying so ya’ll don’t have to google it. We’re solid.}

I’ve been called stuck up and a bitch by girls who haven’t spoken one word to me. This scares me into not wanting to try. I am moody, flighty and at times, my mind changes at the last minute. My life is so crazy and complicated that often I don’t let potential friends all the way in because it’s hard to know who to trust, and frankly, sometimes I can’t worry about letting down one.more.person. I come off snobby when I don’t mean to at all because I get very quiet if I’m uncomfortable or out of my element. I might make plans with you because I really do want to see you, but have to cancel because of above said crazy life, or because I just need to sit in my room and decompress and I’m afraid to tell you all the crazy going on in my head. Sometimes I forget to write thank you cards. I am too hard on myself and sometimes that means I can be too hard on my friends. I’m working on all these things, and I appreciate the girls in my life who make me want to be a better friend, you know who you are.But, if you need to talk, you better call me! When you’re really sick, I will pray and rally my troops and get a whole heck of a lotta people praying for you. If you’re in the hospital, I will want to be by your side. Wild horses couldn’t keep me away. I will stay up all night with you talking, I will hate the guy who hurt your heart, call him names and cry with you. I will tell you what shoes you should wear and yes, of course duh, you can borrow mine and sure, I’ll do your makeup before your date! If you need a place to stay, you’ve got one. I will tell you highly inappropriate jokes to make you laugh when you’re upset. If you live across the country, I’ll buy a plane ticket simply because I want to sit on the couch with you and watch Curb, because I love you. I’ll support your decisions, celebrate your achievements, encourage your dreams, sympathize with your pms, remind you of your worth should you forget, be in your wedding, do the makeup for your wedding, and so on and so forth… Meaning…once you’re in my heart, you’re in. Super glued, cemented, and I do the best I can.

This weekend, I was hurt by a very good friend. Or so I thought she was. I don’t want to slander her publicly because she’s doing it enough to herself and I feel more pity for her than anything else but…I NEED TO BE HEARD. I feel conned, used, taken for granted and sad. Angry? Latina fury? Hell yes. But sad because I trusted her, she was in my heart…and I just don’t understand. Life happens, people aren’t who they seem and I hope she gets the help that she so desperately needs. There are no excuses for the way she treated me…and until she owns up to that, I can’t have her in my life. And it hurts to write that, and mean it.

{This picture isn’t nice. But it made me laugh.}

Thank you for being here, friends.

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