I originally wrote this August 12th on the other blog I neglect/write for, Five Lipstick Stains (On Your Collar), but I want to share it with you here, and also…it might be getting published! (With a few tweeks!) It’s one of my favorites, and something that I like to, need to, remind myself of always. I hope ya’ll had a fun weekend! I had the best time with my love Hanako66 
OH! And I saw Paranormal Activity and it was L-A-M-E. Srsly.
A girl’s gotta have standards.
This weekend I spent a few frustrated hours at the beach late night style, by myself sitting in the dark. I worried my sister as she feared I would be abducted and end up on Dateline next month. I was thinking, talking to friends, texting and sending pictures of my feet in the sand to twitter.
Standards, standards, standards…it was all I could think about. The standards to which I hold my friends, my parents, myself, men…
A girls gotta have standards though.
Are standards black and white? When do we make exceptions? In talking to a friend who shared a similar experience growing up, I realized that the standards I once held my father to have changed…have they lowered? No, I don’t think so. Have I realized that he’s not who I want him to be…but instead someone I can love, learn from, count on in a different way? Yes. If I let myself.
I have to keep my standards when it comes to matters of my heart though, a girls gotta.
You don’t get to choose your parents. But I will choose the next him. Hopefully the last him. I know I write about this a lot…and I fear gaining the reputation of sad single girl. I most def am not, blogging is more to me than posting pictures though…it’s a release. I know, as so many of you have told me, that when you know, you know, that it will happen when you least expect it, and I’m cool with that, really, I am.
I can’t help but wonder (hello Carrie Bradshaw, sorry), if my standards are TOO high. Is that even possible? I just hate that weird feeling, the red flags that so often I’ve ignored, the settling…the I KNEW YOU WOULD DO THAT fights, or thoughts..that have left me walking a mile down the Vegas strip alone at 3am in a mini and 5 inchers, being followed by creeps, afraid to call my friends or family for fear of ” I told you so’s…” because I already told myself so.
Nobody is harder on me…than me.
Standards. I’m sticking to my standards. They’re high. And when I meet him, and I just know, and it’s when I least expect it, I won’t have to lower them. If anything…he better raise me up, he’s gotta.
XOXO,
Liz
{ 71 comments }
gorgeous writing & even more gorgeous thoughts!
Standards are only meant to be set high, and you my sweet, will find the one who will climb all the way to the top of the ladder to cherish, adore, and respect your beloved heart forever and ever….
Beautiful writing.
Standards should be set high. I often times wonder that as well, and I have had people tell me, I have too high of standards, but when I hear that, I walk away, because I don't think they are. I want what I want and I deserve what I want… Just like you do.
Well though my dear <3
Simple – stick with them (standards). Had I not, I would still be with psycho Ex-Ex..(hopefully Kel has updated u already).
It's not about settling, it's about sharing and something beautiful and special and worth your time..
btw – i have a HIGHlarious musician date breakdown post I will do very soon.
LOL!
Stick with them darling. Standards are not meant to be compromised. You deserve the very best, and one day you WILL meet someone who will be above all of those standards. and when you do, it'll all be worth it
i remember this post. it's great the second time around, too!
beautifully said! <3
ok i loved this the first time around and i love it the second time around!! i'm so proud of you for not sticking to your standards and finding yourself an amazing companion!! there are just some things that you don't compromise on, and finding a partner is one of them…and girl, when you know, you know, right? and stick to those standards but don't let fear cloud your heart…go for the love baby!! i love you crazy!! we need that gmail chat PRONTO!
I've always believed that you either have high standards or none at all (i.e. you either have specific requirements or you just want a guy and will end up with an unemployed drug addict). I don't think there are different levels of 'high', because these are subjective – you might not care if he's impatient, whereas another girl might want her guy to be a bit neurotic a la Woody Allen. There's nothing wrong with having high standards and I bet that there are things… flaws even, about the perfect guy you'll find, that you'll most likely love, but which would drive other women crazy.
Hey honey, totally agree with you on this post. There is nothing wrong with having standards. I think you'd be mad not too .. where your life partner is concerned.
xoxo
Awww don't lower them for anybody/anything. Just keep 'em up. And have faith and patience.. and wine!!
I remember reading this…it is still super great!
Good luck with trying to get published! HOW EXCITING!
Gorgeous!
X♥X♥
Keep em high where I can see em, Lizzy.
i think i KNOW my standards are too high, but i also think that's cause i'm scared shitless.
Okay, so I somehow missed this post the first time around. BUT. I am so freaking happy that you posted it again so I could comment on it and tell you how freaking fabulous I think you are!! I mean, of course you've gotta have standards. You're you, and you're incredible, and you don't want anyone who doesn't realize that or who doesn't lift you up! The way I see – it is that it's a hell of a lot easier for someone to bring you down than to help you up, and you definitely do not need that in your life!!
True story – I have dated many a jerk, many a creep, many a dbag, and I let myself date them because I, for whatever reason, temporarily lowered my standards and ended up absolutely miserable! Like you, everyone told me to just wait it out and that Mr. Right would come along when I least expected it. Blah blah blah. I totally thought that it was cliched BS, rolled my eyes and walked away. BUT. I finally got fed up with the losers and set my standards so high that I didn't think anyone could possibly meet my expectations. And then, out of nowhere came DGC and (with the risk of sounding terrably cheesy and mushy and sickening) he not only met my standards, he exceeded them!
Hang in there with your standards. You, my love, are so freaking fabulous and wonderful and rilly rilly important that I would be a little worried if you didn't have high standards for everyone around you!! xoxoxoxo
Great post, I love your writing.
You should never never NEVER settle. When you find The One he'll exceed every expectation you ever had. He won't be perfect, but he'll be perfect for you, and it'll be amazing. Maintain your standards girl. He'll be worth the wait!
you know how i feel…seriously love you…so glad we got to talk last night…always here….always!
seriously LIZ… your writing gets me everytime and for the record i have never considered you "sad single girl"… i think you are vivacious and full of happiness but also a deep thinker… which i adore about you.
i have high standards too and as my friends have called "daddy issues"… a lady once told me "that just because he doesn't love you the way you wish he did, doesn't mean he doesn't love you with all that he has."… i have taken that statement with me whenever i find myself setting to high of standards… but you should also NEVER settle…xoxo
ps thank you for comments about my "love story"… they were so lovely!
Lovely post, everybody needs to have standards and they should never lower them or settle. I've seen too many people do this and it's really sad.
I hope everything is okay sweetie. You know I'm only an email away if you need to talk.
Loved it the first time I read it and love it even more now! I know I've said it before…but the dude who snags you better know what an incredible lady he's scored. He's out there. I know it! Love you!
This is a great post. It's so crazy how many times we can somehow justify lowering our standards for the ones we love. Keep 'em high, girl!
aw i lovee this post. it truly needs to be published because as high as your standards may be, i want you to ALWAYS stick by them.
you deserve the world…from men, women, hermes and well everyone. hahaha!
hermes meaning hermaphrodites not the bag. bwah!
Stick to your standards! I've always found that when I lower my expectations, bad bad bad things happen. Like when I dated a guy who was two years younger than me. I told myself I never would, and I did, and it was a train wreck, because in reality he is really as intelligent as a 2 year old. Ha Ha. Really the only thing I have found good that comes out of going against your better judgement is that, the shit is funny to reflect on. I could tell you some stories doll.
BUT your leggings are on their way! Whoop!
xoxo
J
http://www.talkprettytome.blogspot.com
don't ever doubt your standards my little banana. Those last two lines in your post are seriously words to live by. Keep on sayin' them!!!
I'm not worried about your being on Dateline after sitting on the beach but that thing about 3 am scares me! Do anything to avoid that please! Worse than Dateline is being on Law & Order… "ripped from the headlines."
girl this is getting published? aaammmazzing! so happy for you!
and this was fantastic. so impowering! you keep your standards "too high" because the next him, and hopefully the last him, will reach those standards and will have been worth the wait.
love you lady!
If you have doubt, go with your gut. It's always the best indicator. Standards are great–trust me. You will meet Him eventually.
Wonderful post!
Sometimes I wonder if I set the bar too high only to set myself up for failure. But then I think, if I lowered the bar, and made it, in the end I'd still be disappointed. I'm the queen of being hard on myself, and actually, it's one of my favorite qualities!
you should have your standards set high hun!! there is no reason not to! you only deserve the very best!
it would be so awesome to have this published! i loved reading it! love you beautiful:) XO!
Amen, sister! Love this post!
xoxox,
CC
love this
ok, i know that i just saw you but we have some SERIOUS catching up to do!!!!!!!!!!
I so love this post; and what I love even more is that it may be getting published. Do keep us updated – I would love to see it in print!
I'm actually suffering from the "I Knew You Would Do That" thoughts at this very moment. I have standards, but you meet someone you like, and suddenly, it's as if you keep telling yourself that the individual in question isn't meeting them, yet you keep falling. I suppose you live and you learn. I just wish it were easier… :/
You really are an amazing, talented writer and I love(obsess) over you and your blog! I love getting to know you over words, and maybe someday when Brooke gets her booty out here to SoCal we can hook up??? Standards are a MUST and stick to what you deserve lady!!!xoxo
keep your standards high! the right man will exceed them. you don't deserve anything less.
boggy creeper coming out of the closet to say – Amen sista! I totally get what you're saying and I once even had a best friend say my standards are too high. That was promptly followed by the other best friend, my sisters, and my mother all saying "the hell they are…you just aren't going to settle for anything less than everything" – I too hope that "that guy" will come along. until then keep on doing what you're doing b/c from what I can see – you're FANTASTIC!
thanks for writing so simply, beautifuly and honnestly.xxx
i love your , hello carrie bradshaw..first thing i thought about was
"In a relationship, when does the art of compromise become compromising?"
ok so im gonna kinda play devils advocate because i'm a jerk like that (but you still love me)
i am all for standards. I've definitely, in a relationship, thrown some of my standards out for a guy and then was really angry i do ..so don't get me wrong mama.
but from what i've learned in love and business that if you're too "stern, strong, in your standards and you dont leave room for flexibility then when adversity or obstacles come your way …you could just break…metaphorically speaking ..like a tree branch.
i mean i am all for "stand for something or fall for everything" but nowadays… the smarter route is to give a little bend to get your way.
Love it… god only knows I better meet someone who raises me up, instead of bringing me down… it will happen, right? Of course… we're awesome… someday, it will all make sense
standards are good unless they turn out to be strict crazy rules or principles.. it's good you have'em dear.
xoxo.love.
I heart this.
I heart you.
Such a good way with words doll.
Lovely post! It's not as much as "he's gotta" but I think it's more of "he will" or "he is".
Amen- my bf and I broke up a a week ago. Gotta have the standards. We will stay friends because we have a good friendship, but romantically, and in a partner, he couldn't give me what I want. And frankly, I couldn't give him all that he wants. Don't we all deserve the best? Standards, for sure!
You are a great writer Elizabeth. I always enjoy reading your posts.
xoxo
Good for you for not lowering your standards!
Standards are MEANT to be set high. Like, super high because we are THAT good. We are THAT important.
Why lower them, especially when it comes to the one VERY important time in our life called UMMMM choosing a partner to be with forever. Yah, not the time to be lowering standards I would say!
Girl, there is no such thing as standards being too high. Especially when it's YOU – such a beautiful, amazing, perfect woman who really does deserve the best. Sometimes it's definitely tempting to lower standards, but think about the douchebags that would enter your life if you did that – your standards are high for a reason, girl!
I loved this post – and so exciting it might be published! You deserve only the best in life, and all your relationships.
Love you – we'll talk whenever you get a minute – shoot me an email =)
Totally agree. He definitely has to be of high caliber to get with a talented and beautiful girl like yourself!
totally with u girl…. i def will NOT be settling for just anyone…. they have to be awesome. seriously.
love that picture!
You know, I used to keep my standards pretty low. Okay, still higher than most of my friends but I don't think so much of myself. It meant I ended up with some really hot guys, but they treated me really bad.
One day, I was caught off guard by someone who I thought would never even notice me. He raised me up, and raised up my standards. We've been together 3 and a half years now – so don't let those standards slip!
stick to your guns, girlie! you deserve something special, for sure!
I totally agree. Keep your standards high. I doubt they are too high. In my 30 years (yikes!) I've only met one chick w/ standards too high and she nuts and is still single (after getting a divorce 6 years ago b/c her husband she decided wasn't good enough). She recently went out on a date and decided her new interest isn't for her either. Want to know why? B/c he was on allergy meds and still drank and that was irresponsible of him. Well, color me crazy but I guess I'm lucky she's my friend b/c I do that ALL THE TIME! She's a little wacko though. I think she just wants to be miserable. Secretly. If that makes sense. ??? You on the other hand will find the one and will not have to drop your standards! I know it!
Also I have a crazy girl crush on you too so the feeling is mutual hun! Muah!!!
xoxo
I completely agree! I've definitely wondered if my standards are too high, if anyone will ever meet them. I've come to the conclusion that yes, there is someone out there that will meet every single standard, and then some. It is definitely a lesson in patience though
Hope you're having a fab Monday!
love love love.
and it's so true.
and i love your last part–because he will. he really will.
Hi girly!! I missed you and reading your blog!! I read this the first time and loved it and loved reading it again. You are a talented writer and love love the message of this piece. I tell my (single) friends this all the time. Never settle. You deserve the best my sweet!
Totally agree a girl has GOT to have standards!!! Never settle for anything less!
I heart this post little lady!!
I enjoyed this. I totally agree that if you want to meet that great guy you want to spend forever with, I feel you do have to have pretty high standards or you are just settling and by settling, you are just hanging up on the dream of happily ever after. There's no way you can be truly be in love for the rest of your life with someone who "almost" makes you happy or who is "almost" your dream guy. That was a great post!
don't lower your standards, that's crazy talk! lowering your standards would be settling… settling will just lead to short term memory, long term regret.. so no, don't settle. and i know you won't
beautifully written!
Hey Dear! You and I BOTH know how hard this is! I struggle with feeling that I'm too picky, and I worry that I write off people too easily. I'm hoping everything is going well with your dating life right now. We've got to keep our chins up!
It'll be on itunes soon, but it'll be available on cd and download through other places tomorrow. I'll do a big post!
you definitely have to have high standards. you shouldn't have to settle, in any relationship but especially a romantic one.
I think relationships help you realize what your standards are too. someone may make your standards change, you may realize something you thought was important really wasn't, or you may realize that you need something that you never really knew you needed before. does that make sense?
but I do agree that "the one" will make you a better person. maybe that means he will raise your standards, but somehow, he will raise you up. for sure.
Well said and so true! You will know when it's right…Now, I'm not saying there won't be times when you'll be like "What was I thinking?" but just remember that he will have those times too, and they will probably both be over something crazy like where to eat for dinner or him not paying attention to your new shoe collection you are so intently describing to him
They are men and we are women, and we DO NOT think or feel in the same way. So, always remember that communicating is the key! If you can both sit and talk things out civilly, then it will work.
I love everything you wrote. Most of all I love that you believe and know every word of it to be true. You're completely right, if someone can't raise you up…it only means, they're pulling you down. You deserve the best
Congrats on getting published, honey!!! Eek that is so exciting and amazing! Keep us posted
xx
I totally agree, a girls gotta have standards. Mine are high too (though quite more reasonable than when I was five and I pretty much excepted him to hop right out of a fairy tale!), but I refuse to settle. If you refuse to settle in the rest of your life, why settle for a guy?
Besides I think the right one will be more than standards. The worst is he'll break all your standards apart and make you love him, just as he'll love you even if you don't necessarily live up to his standards. And even with this, you both will be ridiculously happy. The best is that you will both live up to each other's standards!
The thing is that you get to actually listen to the told you sos when you are most vulnerable to them and it doesn't help…
I mean, we brush them off most of the time..until something happens, you know?
High standards are always good, because there's someone out there who can actually meet them!
Hi Liz, I remember reading this and thinking it was such a good reflective post on your journey! A girl must have standards, they are what makes her unique. You are a lovely girl with so much to offer, xoxo!
You go girl. I think of standards alot and you gotta do that in this world. I fear that I have lowered my standards too much cuz I thought mine were too high. But eventually I'll find a balance. You seem like your a girl on the go who knows what she wants, so stick to it! We'll be rooting for ya! =)
love this!
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