First of all…
This week I am going to suck at commenting and posting. Why you ask? Well, because AT&T is set on ruining my life, in addition to crushing my hopes and dreams. Dramatic? Perhaps. I’m PRETTY sure if you have a blog, you’re addicted to the internet too, just sayin. 
I’ve already blogged about my hatred for AT&T home wireless, and spent countless hours on the phone with them…latina fury. Not pretty. And yes, yes, I tried killing them with kindness for the first 2 hours. After that, it was ON. But I won’t bore you…just apologizing in advance…I do most of my blog reading/stalking in the wee hours of the night, due to mad insomnia. 
I’ve already blogged about my hatred for AT&T home wireless, and spent countless hours on the phone with them…latina fury. Not pretty. And yes, yes, I tried killing them with kindness for the first 2 hours. After that, it was ON. But I won’t bore you…just apologizing in advance…I do most of my blog reading/stalking in the wee hours of the night, due to mad insomnia. 
{Why yes, this is totally what I look like while waiting for the internet…HAHAHA}
I will say, because I’m really not a total spoiled B, that the delay in them getting out to my little condo is in part, due to complications with the Cali fires. So, I will gladly sit at Starbucks or try to comment as much as I can from my blackberry because when I think about the firefighters risking their lives to save entire communities, my internet woes seem pretty insignificant. My thoughts, prayers and gratitude are with them.
So…I know that Gabby and Lilu both did posts on this too…and I’m finally jumping on the train because I am SHOCKED and I LOVE IT. Most of us use some kind of site meter, stat counter, whatever. I just recently started stalking the google keywords that lead people to my blog, after Lilu told me someone found her little piece of the interwebs by typing into google-
“elizabeth marie boyfriend asheville”
Umm…is my boyfriend in Asheville? Sneaky! Can you tell him to come home? K thx. I love him.
There are some FREAKY people using google, yo. I don’t know about you, but when I google, I am straight to the point. In and out. Done and done. Some…notsomuch….
Here is just a taste…from good to bad to freaking foul/hilarious.
“It’s Unbeweavable”- Duh
“Big Sexy Hair”-Duhhhhh haha I joke
“Date dresses”-yay
“Balmain”-yess my master plan to get sponsored/free stuff is totes working! Totes.
“Once shame on you twice shame on me third time I don’t know”-umm??
“Just a Small Town Squirrel”-ok I die.
“I hope you die, cupcake!”-WTF did the cupcake do to you?
“Boobs”-No comment
“Hope you get well soon or let me do something about it.” -Jeez rude
“I need a nut”-you’re not the only one…just sayin….
And my favorite…so far…so disturbing...Brooke this one is for you…
“Offa Luffa Le Panties”-I have SO many questions for this person.
In summary…this is my new favorite thing ever!
Also just want to say, there are some personal/career changes going on in le life of Liz. But it’s all good…sometimes we all need a push to get us to take that leap.
Happy Wednesday Lovers!
XOXO,
Liz
(totally digging chilling at starbucks. I might not suck at commenting/posting as much as I thought. They’re playing Airborne Toxic Event. WIN.)
Don’t forget about the GIVEAWAY!!! I’m so glad you guys like it! WOOP WOOP!
{ 82 comments }
You are hysterical, darling!
Sorry AT&T is sucking.
My brother started saying "totes". Not sure how I feel about it…
xoxox,
CC
OH DUDE. Someone is dirtily thinking about Oofa's pretty panties. Ewwwwwwwww. Oh and doing the same to your boobs. Ah ha ha. Hang in there pretty lady. Prayers going out to you and all your Cali neighbors! I had a similar war with Verizon, btw. File a complaint sister. When we finally did that they actually became responsive.
as long as you have your bberry i don't mind…
haha.
gchat via bberry for the win!
I looked up keywords one time for my last blog's url and the overwhelming majority of them involved the word tranny.
LOL
my secrets out!!! haha. kidding…
okay YOU NEED to tell me how you did this because i am SO jumping on the train…
BOOBS!!! bwahahahahahaha!!! that shit cracks me up. you do have a nice rack though. you should be proud, just sayin…
oh an offa luffa le panties! um…WOW!!!
Ohh I know the frustration. I seem to have issues with Quest all to often, but now I know not to head the at&t route eek..Enjoy the time at starbucks, even though it is a pain to browse a bit.
Thank you again for the fantastic giveaway!! Adore all of the wonderful compliments and you
xo
Yes! Google peeps are weird. My favorite search phrases that have led visitors to my site… "pee bathroom bladder" (what??) and "old man messed his pants (what? what??)… I must talk about bathroom issues a lot!
Hope your internet gets fixed soon!
DUDE!!!! someone wants to see my skivies and your breastesssss!!! EEKS!!!
well what can i say we are just THAT amazing lady!!! and it appears more want to bite us a.little or a.lot…
flippen love you.love your heart.love your courage.love um.us….
mmm…smell that?!?! change is in the air…and it smells of the legendary flavor…
eh creeepy, and totally hilarious, especially boobs. was a junior high kid looking for you?? LOL
i hope your internet works out!
Just a small town squirrel, living in a nutty world.
Since I posted pics from Sturgis and talk about boobs just about all of the searches leading to my blog are "Boobs at Sturgis". Oops.
people are weird. this, i know! fingers crossed for less connective suckage.
Just a small town squirrel?? Just wow! I'm hoping people find my blog through other bloggers and not by googling random shizz like "hope you get well soon or let me do something about it!" Goodness gracious, people!
Hope those AT&T losers kick it into gear soon!
**Hugs**
i'm getting on the phone with att ceo right now, ok darlin?
and umm…this is so fun! i want to do it!! but i don't know how…???
Holy Hannah. I'm spitting on my screen laughing so hard, at these. Especially at the last one. Poor, poor, offa. And looks like the perve is french haha.
HAHHAHAHAHA.
Oh my, I think I need to get a plug-in, scary to see but oh so fun.
I think I'm actually crying. Whoa, funny stuff, Lizzy bear.
Sorry about At&t.. how do you do the google thing? I wanna know too! Ha! Let me know. THNX LOVE!
haha funny stuff! a bit creepy though >_>
I have to say, my fave keyword is "just a small town squirrel"….tribute to Journey??? I pray for you that someday someone just sends you the buckle medium height Balmain booties…..also, maybe the zipper jacket. But not too much more, or else I would be TRE jealous….I really enjoy chilling at the Bux…kind of more than I would like to admit….did you know that you get free refills of their coffee when you're hanging there???
Man I never KNEW how many pervs were out there until I realized what people search…it's disturbing…and hilarious.
Oh, and about bloggers being addicted to the internet, …., I don't have any idea what you're talking about. Psssh.
Woman, I'm leaving town in less than a month! We need to get coffee or sumpin!
hahaha, this is hysterical, my favs = "I hope you die, cupcake" and "Boobs". Loves!
Sorry you're having troubles with the internets, it just makes me appreciate you emailing me last night with the makeup info even more! You're bestest!
sorry to hear about the internet drama! i hope all is repaired soon
hahaha!!! boobs, squirrels, cupcakes, nuts, oofas panties!
way too funny!
i just started the google analytics thing last week, i hope no creepers find their way to my blog! so far, so good!
luvs ya darlin!
OOOOohhh! This is one of my favorite things to do! I don't understand how Google directs people to me based on some of the things Googled.
I hate having to call At&T omg. die. …my most popular search? {well, before my diys} was SEXY CAMEL TOE ..ahahahahaha.
I frequently get hits on my blog for people searching "period devil"
scared or funny?
Oh man those fires are so devastating and man I hate internet issues…it really puts a wrench in your plans- enjoy sbux though! Treat yourself to something sweet!
Oh Boo! I hate when the internet is down….I feel so disconnected from the world!!
I am going to have to go and see what my google hits are….could be interesting!
I use to write a relationship blog when I was sans BF, and oh my, I would get some crazy key word searches… raunchy too! I use to post them for laughs. It's pretty funny to see what people are searching!
Hope your internet is restored soon! And these horrific fires are put out.
http://underfundedheiress.blogspot.com/
Where did you find this stuff?
I had major AT&T issue a couple of weeks ago. Friday on the dot, internet goes down…. Chilly at Starbuck is def very cool. : )
Freakin hillarious! I've done this too and the things that lead people to my blog are scary. Really…who are these people and where do they come up with this stuff?
You crack me up sweetie! Sorry that stupid AT&T is giving you crap, hopefully that will get solved pronto when the fires get better. Well…at least Starbucks is being your friend, that's good, right? Scary people out there, little creepy but funny at the same time.
no internet is the worst!
you are so lucky you are not here right now…flash flood warnings, dust storms…crazy!
I love looking at that stuff. most people find me through some variation of secret passageways and blair waldorf lol
That's funny to see how everybody finds your blog. I think my blog is not searchable b/c I told it not to come on search engines. I was afraid a student would google my name and somehow get to my blog.
Miss you tons! I'm hoping everything isn't too stressful with the new work.
I've seen those fires on the news. Hope everything's ok with you! Your post was funny. Google is disturbig, and I want a mocha frappaccinno soooooooooooooooooooooo bad now. Thanks
have fun at starbucks. get a coffee for me.
Sorry to hear about the Internet. Eek! But I have to say: What are you doing at a Starbucks and not at a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf?? Coffee Bean is my addiction, yo. Too bad they don't have them in NY
((
Love your search engine screenings… Lately, I've been seeing some wacko google hits for my blog as well. Go figure. People are weirds.
Offa Luffa Le Panties?!?!? wow!
and hope the changes in your life are goooooooooooooooooood ones!
Keyword searches always turn nasty! I blogged about Melanie Thierry once, just about her in a film and today my top keyword search for my blog is "Melanie Thierry naked" WTF?
In other news, you should see the keyword searches about zombies that lead people to me, here's a taste: "Zombie hottie" "zombie football player" "zombie nuns", ha ha! The list goes on and on!
Save for the blogs I read (like yours) and the hotties I "meet" (like you)…the Internet can be one scary place.
P.S AT&T DOES suck. Okbai!
Ahahahahaht that's really funny and so weird!
Hmm and yes At & T is pretty bad, its what I have, and I swear i can never actually TALK on my cell!
omg. I freaking missed you! I'm not even 100% back yet but man I missed you and all the other fabulous ladies. I'm addicted to the internets too. sigh…sorry you don't have service. I mean, how can you stand it to not find crazy ass searches like this?
can't wait to hear about the changes…I hope some of it involves come east 
"Just a Small Town Squirrel"
This is totally how I found you. Now please come to New Hampshire and help me finish unpacking.
xoxo
Following your Google keywords is definitely both hilarious and creepy…
first of all let me just say i have fuckin missed you!!! no joke!
second of all loving the word "foul/hilarious".
third of all this is why i change my blog soo much. soo many freaks soo little time… ok that did not come out right.
Singing: "Just a smalltown skwirl, living in a lonely world!"
you are so funny! some words used to get to my blog are worse!!!!
girl sex sydney
hope you're having a lovely day beautiful! x
Oh dear. Google keywords are the best, I love them! Yours are especially hilarious
xoxo!!
What a bummer about your internet. I'm addicted too so I know how you feel.
Lol about google searches!
YAY OTHER PEOPLE SAY TOTES! woo.
Yeah the internet is a gift from heaven but can be a bitch.
Also, google creeps= I hear ya.
ooohhh been there too, so frustrating! hahaha google search can be a danger zone! sorry for my MIA also… ~KISSES+SMILEsss…
"i hope you die cupcake" really?? Why??
xxx
Dude, I have had some hilarious ones as well. Of course, I can't remember them off the top of my head, but I'll look them up and let you know.
P.S. I just added you on twitter! I feel like such a twitter loser, still trying to figure everything out. Whatevs.
well have you seen your bestie??? who wouldn't want to cyber stalk her panties?!!! hahaaa!! i love it!! and the 'i need a nut'….i snorted i was laughing so hard…priceless!!!
i need to try out this google thing, but now i'm kind of scared too!! btw- its totally cool that you used that picture of me standing by the window, i don't mind at all!
Hey, I feel for you. You may remember I had non-existent, then spotty internet a while ago. And the worst thing? Starbucks here charges 4 EUR an HOUR for their wifi. Crazy, huh? But I'd rather pay that than get free internet at McDonalds.. haha. Anyhow… I've stopped doing the Google thing, because it did get too disturbing. One of mine was "hungarian women dancing on tables". Huh?
Oh, but I love the cupcake one you got… and the small town squirrel
Hope AT&T get your internet fixed soon!
OH MAN. That's priceless. Seriously, people google the weirdest crap!! And poor Brooke–someone's so enamored they're googling her ladybits. Eek.
I hope these fires calm down and that your internet becomes speedy quick.
hahaha so funny. people are gross. someone found my blog by searching anal tattoo. ahhh the glorious internet
Hahaha I forgot about that! I soooo need to check and see if the boyfriend stalker has been back for more…
Xoxoxo
Coffee latte with extra extra whipped cream…:-)
That's my solution for problems like this. LOL.
I have got to start using that, that is hilarious! offa luffa panties, wtf? Ha, so funny! xoxo
lol. those are hilarious. and hey-i'm moving!
so pls add me! =)
http://learnxtoxfly.wordpress.com/
Hi honey, sorry for the uber delayed reply – was out till 9 at a friend's then was sentenced to the couch by S when I got home – "no blogging – my time" big baby…
Ohhhh, yes then Sept is certainly something to celebrate
Seriously, I'm so excited for you guys so I can only imagine how you guys feel.
Yeah, I'm crossing my fingers for Nov
ahahaha honestly i dont know what i would do without google…!
Hope you get your internet a rollin soon! I totally understand that AT&T sucks balls and gets screwed up allll the time!
Great post. You really crack me up. Sorry about your problems with getting online. I live in a rural area. I have high speed internet, but it comes and goes. I'm addicted to blogs so I hate it when I can't get online for them and other things. Good luck.
LOL! Great post darling!
XoXo
bahhaahaha brookes got a dirty stalker. how do i do this!?!?! i'm curious now!!
Hmmm GOOGLE FREAKS?
When my wireless internet provider acts like an idiot, I just go out to Starbucks/any other place and use their wireless!
It used to be free, but now it's $1 an hour (less if you buy more..)
ohhh my gosh that's hilarious!!
someone found me by searching square vase! what the heck!
I saw that you do makeup, what are your favorite products? I'm looking for a good primer. Someone at Sephora told me to try makeup forever's primer. Any suggestions?
I want big and sexy hair lovely. Great post sweetie. Come stop by today and enter the Thursday book giveaway…
Wait – how do I do this? I am so curious what would come up…and if that other fake-ass MG's shiz comes up I will be pissed..grrrr!
XOXO MG
I'm just, ya know… waiting around till your internets get fixed. Reminding myself what your blog looks like since I haven't seen it in two days. Sigh.
Boooo you AT&T whores!
Supersexy soulmate,
so sorry for being slowly in visiting blogs this week. Just stayed the most time in bed.
And then, when visiting and reading your blog I had such a hard laugh – and such a hard cough right after – you're the BOMB! Love ya, gorgeous!
There is nobody compareable to you!!!
Wishing you a pleasant ANNNND relaxing weekend, darling!
big kiss + much love, s.
I google myself sometimes
BUT- What's AWESOME is that if you google "Amazing Cupcakes"-My instructions on E-How for some easter cupcakes come up…THat always makes me feel good…tho I know it's cuz I called the recipe "amazing cupcakes", and might not really reflect too much traffic for it-I don't care tho!
AND- Tell At&t to go screw themselves!! I had them in my last apartment, and had SOOO many problems. At one point, I had trouble with the transmitter box thing, but I could pick up a neighbors unlocked wireless if I sat in the closet–I did it-and it worked REALLY well!! Carry ur laptop around and see if u can get some wireless around ur place from other people!!! Sometimes it's only like in on spot like mine was!!
those are some interesting and funny google searches. but, I have heard far worse (aka, far more disgusting!). I actually have never looked into my stats, google searches, whathaveyou. I guess maybe I should but I just haven't.
anyhoo, can't wait to hear the personal/career news! NY NY??
oh, and if I ever went to starbucks on my laptop, I might just end up living there, what with the coffee, pastries, and music
for reals.
happy weekend!
PS- Lizzziiie you're now officially on my blogroll, woo!
Yeah I updated, enfin. Sorry, that's the extent of my French. I'm so flunking.
Sucks about the internet but at least you have a good excuse to lounge at Starbucks… I love their iced tea so.
Also, can't wait to hear about the new career changes! Sounds very exciting…
Lots of love and wishes for a wonderful weekend dear Liz♥
Ahhh, gorgeous, I live for your posts
Sorry to hear about AT & T, and more importantly the fires.
I promise cough*fingers crossed*cough that I didn't find your blog by typing in 'sex weave looking for girlfriend'
Nah, here's to finding sponsors [heelloooo Balmain, or Zara, or even Maurie & Eve or Camilla & Marc ;]
Have a lovely weekend my dear,
I promise to google obscure words now just to find you on google.
Mwah hah hah..
take care beautiful weave-d girlfriend loving etcetera etcetera
xx
Oupsies, I thought I had commented on this one
Sorry, it was a crazy week at work !
I need to figure out what people are googling to end up on my blog, this is toooo hilarious! LOL !
Good luck with all the weirdos out there
PANTIES. I die. laughing.
too funny! i don't think I get as many crazy searches.
just a small town squirrel? LOL
Um, speaking of sucking at posting and commenting, have you checked my blog lately?? Ghostown, USA. Well, until about 30 mins ago
Sorry about AT&T. I'm convinced that the 'net is more addicting than crack… not that I've done crack, so maybe that's not a good comparison, lol! But yeah, internet = vital for life! haha
xoxo J
booo to AT&T! internet is definitely an addiction, i dont blame you for being ticked!
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