Last week, I learned a few things. 1. PMS is a rabid biatch set on ruining my life/one week per month. 2. I have the best readers ever. 3. I READ some of the best blogs ever. 4. I think I’m going to start a weekly series called “I’m kind of obsessed with her” and have a guest post from.someone.I’m.mildly.obsessed.with. Not creepy at all, right? Perfect.
Let me thank Liz for allowing me to violate her blog with a guest post.
Let me introduce myself. My name is Jillian and I blog over at The Pilgrim Congress, which is basically a Jesus-endorsed super site aimed at making you uncomfortable.
Now that the formalities are out of the way, lets get down to the business. When Liz asked me to do a guest post on Its Unbeweavable I basically peed my pants in excitement. After changing, I realized that I was totally fucked as I am not a fashion blogger. But then I realized that though I am not a fashion blogger, I am an expert in one area of fashion. And that is how this post was born. Enjoy.
Here’s the thing, eyebrows? Totally awesome. Magic marker eyebrows? Very scary. Also, screams, “I secretly have a penis.â€
Breasts? Good. Ass? Good. Scary six pack on a lady? Probable penis.
No one is confused by an overdrawn lip. At best you’ll look like Bette Davis circa What Ever Happened To Baby Jane? At worst, you’ll look like you may be trying to hide the fact that you have man parts.
4. Avoid Wearing Clothing That Look As Though It Is Designed To Be Cleaned With A Garden Hose, Instead Of A Washing Machine.A rubber catsuit is not a good look on anyone. Any additional information on this topic would be superfluous.
Now chances are if you’re reading Unbeweavable, you are very hip and with it and not at all in need of this sort of advice. But maybe you have a friend? Or a co-worker? Or a parent? Someone in your life who is constantly getting asked, “How much for a reach around?†If so, ta da! Simply send them a link to this post and problem solved. God, I’m a giver. You’re welcome.
*For the record, totally nothing wrong with being a tranny. There is however something wrong with being a natural born lady who, through poor fashion and beauty choices, has people convinced she’s sporting a penis. Just saying.
{ 64 comments }
My gosh Jill is funny as hell – love this guest blogger post & will def check out her sass at Pilgrim Congress.
And for the record J looks amazing on camera!
Fellow Jesus Lover here – MG
XOXO
This was hilarious. Hahahaha
Fabulousness at its best!!! You should have a NO TRANNIES HERE sign posted on le blog ♥
Omg I can't stop laughing!! hahaha
that was one amazing post!
She's toooo funny!
Lol!
X♥X♥
Oh YEAH! Very like it a lot! New undiscovered female comedian me thinks!! Thank you for the sharing!!!
ahaha Jill is fabulous!!! She reminds me of one of my friends, they seem to have the exact sense of humor.
Sooo good!!!
And Liz I love your idea of the "I'm kind of obsessed with her" project! Can't wait to see it!
xxxxx
That is such a funny post!! Hilarious and totally agree. There's nothing worse than a faux-tranny who's not trying to look like a tranny.
what the crap hilarious!!! seriously just friggen laughed right out loud about a zillion times…i am now a regular happy reader of jill's…flippen heck i am too kinda obsessed with her and her humor!!
It's nice to see somebody agree with me!
I find normally when I make these observations I get a lot of "Girls are sooo bitchy" and "Who cares? If you don't like it, don't look at it" or "You're just a jealous hater".
Indeed.
But yes, well done you Guest Blogger Girl!
Way to go Jill (and Liz, my love)–this has got to be one of the BEST guest posts evahhhhh!!! LOVE IT
Jill…you most definitely do not have a lisp and you're gorgeous!
Ok. That was hilarious. Thanks for sharing!
OH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GGGGGG*******
I've almost peed my pants – I laughed so hard!
Jill's sense of humor is so wicked and BRILLIANT!
*LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!*
“I secretly have a penis.†Breasts? Good. Ass? Good. Scary six pack on a lady? Probable penis.
Thanks so much!!!!
OMG – I have to forward this and link to your blog!
You're now my daily read, soulmate!
Wishing you a fabulous Wednesday, love!
This made me LOL! I think the reason it's so funny is b/c it's SOO true. Spot on observations! Thanks for the laugh!
HA!!!! i love the eyebrows and lipstick. this is GREAT!! made my day and made me smile. you always do that, dear x0x0
"Maybe a parent?"
Ahahahaha.
OMG…hahahaha! I can tell today is going to be a great day. XD Jill, you are hilarious!
Oh my god, thank you for introducing us to Jill…she's hilarious. I love this post!! Hahaha
Will definitely be visiting her blog now. Sweet.
p.s. stalking is only obsessive if they find out. Right??? Right? Right??!?!!!?
Have a great one, gorgeous one.
p.s. can I request an outfit post from you? I love your style and how gorgeous you look….we need some stalker cough*style inspiration*cough
*throws rubber catsuit away*
Dammit. Now what am I going to wear on Friday when I meet her??
Love you, too, darling!
Great post idea!
FM~FP~AF
BAAAAHAHAHAHA!!! that's a hearty man laugh i just gave (not a tranny one) because jill is too funny! i hate the whole magic marker eyebrows and over outlined lips. it screams BIG PENIS HIDING IN MY PANTS! HA!
hahaahh! rolling over here.
man parts. lol.
thank you for this. i agree with them all.
hahaahh! rolling over here.
man parts. lol.
thank you for this. i agree with them all.
Haha! This is hilarious! So true though. I actually have seen plenty of people who could use this advice, but no one I know personally and something tells me if I start handing this out as leaflet (great idea, no?) I'd get slapped by strangers. Sigh.
Hilarious! I love it!
Such a dirty dirty mind from such a gorgeous girl. I love it and her and Liz! It's a love fest.
This girl is heeelarious! I'm totally checking out her bloggie right now! Hope you're enjoying Wednesday
Wish I had something more inspiring to say, but I'm still healing. BLEH!
Is it weird/cosmic that we both posted something with "tranny" in the title today?
bahahah! totally true. all of it. going to check out her blog next, although the jesus statement has me WORRIED……
Ok, Jill…you need to get your butt to Hollywood, like stat. You channel Pam from The Office better than Pam does…so I and probably the rest of Liz's readers here would agree that you need to act. You're hilarious, have an amazing sense of timing and produce these one of a KIND facial expressions to accompany them…totally love you…you are welcome to guest blog at my fashion/makeup/beauty site anytime….
This is hysterical! Great guest post!
Great post lady! Love your 4 easy steps, especially #4! Hilarious
xo,
Jessica
Hahaha hilarious!
Wow, we might have to do Chipotle TOO, holy crap my head's gonna explode!
Also, screams, “I secretly have a penis.â€
HAHAHAHAHAHA. I will not look at magic markers the same way again.
Love this post! Both entertaining and informative
xoxox,
CC
What? No cholita eyebrows??? But I heart them!
This is really offensive. Not only is Tranny inappropriate slang for transexual, but some of us were just not born in the right body.
Also, some of us don't have a choice about being hookers.
Being a prostitute is LEGAL in some states! And i have to make a living!
I HAVE TO FEED MY CHILDREN.
I have never read Jill before but now I am going to b/c this is freaking funny shit! Thank god I don't look like a hot tranny mess. I've got hips and ass (although the tits could be bigger) and natural eyebrows and rarely wear lipstick (I prefer gloss).
However, this means I'm going to have to throw out my pleather cat suit. Damn it! Haha! 
#1 – Yes, Aunt Flo is the worst relative a girl can have. One word: BE-YOTCH. She visits me next week, oh goody!
#2 – Jill is freakin' hi-LAR-ious!! Omg, I might pee my pants…!!
Loved your "Standards" post on Lipstick Stains (On Your Collar) today…
xoxo J
My-my-my…
gotta check out her blog now!
xo*
I LOVE JILL!!! and yeah, like, a lot! good choice of guest bloggage! hope your tonsils feel better or at least, hurry up and leave
Oh no, man voice go away! Hope you feel better soon hun! Your guess blogger rocked, that was super funny and it is so true about losing so much weight that you don't look like a woman anymore, yuck!
Definitely keep the guest post coming, not that I don't like you, he he, but it is always fun to have guests of honor at your blog, right? Feel better love! XOXO
Great advice and hilarious video!! I'm honestly wondering what a 'reach around' is? Off to google…xo
THAT IS SO FUNNY! OMG. I die too. Seriously!
Liz, you will need to indulge my broke ass on the Barney's sale afterwards. <3
Seriously…I CAN'T stop laughing. Jill is hilarious!
Hahahahhahaa!!! Honeyyy!!! So sooo funny!
Smile-smile-smile! lol.
Hope you're ok.
Love you Doll. Sweet Doll. haa
I LOVE you ladies!!!! Thank you for being so sweet to me and not being scared of my awkward vlog!! Big hugs and kisses!!!!
she cracks my S up….hilarious
haha thats awesome – im definitely going to have to go check her out. like check out her blog – not dirtyoldman check her out.
I am CRYING! This is the funniest shit I've read in a long time! 'Or a parent? Someone in your life who is constantly getting asked, “How much for a reach around?â€' – aw yes, so many of these in my life…
Hi Elly! Heehee, oh wait that's me
Secret for ya Lizzy…I want to give my baby girl (whenever I actually have one) Elizabeth as a middle name 
Had never heard about her blog, must check out! And love your idea of 'kind of obsessed with…' so not creepy at all!….not from you at least, LOL.
Ooh…putting away the rubber catsuit now.
Kidding, I don't own one of those.
Or do I?
No I don't
xx
That was such a cool post. I loved it. I hope you're having a great week. Your blog is beyond awesome. Take care. Cheers!
haha send me an email with some photos of you
must be high resolution, big pictures 
and me will sketch u!!! x
p.s. yay you did it!!! ♥
xxx
tooootally cannot blame you. i, too, am jill-obsessed. love that girl. oh, hai, jill. are you reading this?
heart you, friend! 
Oh.my.freeeeeaking.crap.
Jill is HYSTERICAL. That video was so fabulous. For someone who says they're not camera ready–that was daring!
"ya know, public service…"
And she's GORGEOUS. And I love that she wouldn't film herself in front of the hubby.
So, Jill, I think you're awesome, and I lurve your blog. And kudos on being courageous enough to embrace the awkward all in the name of helping us help others!
Lol. That was hilarious. And I'm actually commenting! OMG. I've decided to come out of my shell. I'm totally fashion unconscious so I think I'm all like wow, she has amazing hair and clothing, so I lurk..but now I'm a new me, [sorta] so I will be commenting on every post.
Bc you're amazing.
!!!!
I never imagined I’d wake up, drink my weight in coffee, and subsequently spend part of Thursday morning hearing/learning about how not to look like a tranny hooker in 4 easy steps!
But my god, I needed nothing more than to watch this and laugh my ass off… Jill is hillllllarious.
"…public service."
Seriously funny stuff. And you rock babe for posting it. Xxx
I loved this post so much. thank you! I have to say that you had me at "tranny hooker" though…
Thanks Jill – I loved your post. I just hate when girls shave off all their eye brows just to draw them in again. Who told them to do this, better yet, who told them it looked good? You can only imagine the mother saying it to the daughter, cuz in most cases that's how it started. And then on top of that the eye brows, they are usually accompanied by some kind of silver shade lipstick. You missed that one. LOL!! I'm here to help!! I hope you have a wonderful day!!
This was hilarious. I made the draw on brow mistake as a youngster(well mine didn't look like a magic marker) but nothing brings this foolery to an end like accidentally wiping off an eyebrow on a hot day. LOLOL.
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