Guest Post-Dapper Kid on Feeling Sexy

Quick weekend recap-the weather in Southern Cali=epic fail, so no tan. And I ended up buying three pairs of shoes, so there goes the whole “no shopping” thing. Oh well. It was a good weekend, and I am feeling MUCH better!

Fashion for me has never been simply about the way clothing makes me look, for although it is an understandable superficial and primarily visual medium, to look at it so simply would be akin to looking at the most beautiful of red roses and seeing only the reproductive system of a plant. One who interacts with fashion does not simply have a visual relationship with it, rather there is something far more complex going on. Fashion is most important, and indeed successful, in the way it makes one feel.

Fashion does not serve merely as layer of nicely coordinated paint covering the canvas of the body. For to have a truly beautiful painting, one needs to feel the emotions, experiences, feelings and very soul of the painter. Similarly with fashion, without that voice, clothing is nothing. However as clothing is worn, that meaning does not lie simply between the canvas and the viewer, but rather more importantly, between the clothing and the wearer.

Any man who has donned a tuxedo, or any woman that has worn a beautiful dress, will tell you not how that clothing made them look, but rather how it made them feel. The feeling that the vast majority of us seek to create from our clothing, is in actuality the most elusive of all. What I believe to be one of the major aims of any fashion, is to make the wearer feel sexy.

Feeling sexy and looking sexy are two very distinct elements, and indeed the two are often and mistakenly used interchangeably. What does it mean, that word, sexy? Is it simply a matter of seduction and using clothing to arouse sexual desires in the opposite (or indeed same) sex? Or it is more to do with the complexities of the human mind and individuality of the being?

Simon Doonan uses the term ‘porno chic’ to describe what he sees as the predominantly teenage trend of women seeking to look sexy. From the moment we are born, we are bombarded with the industry standard of what sexy is, what it should look like, how to achieve it. Men, and women, are taught that a sexy woman is one with a clear visual expression of her sexuality – perfect make up, fire engine red lips, tousledblonde hair, clearly exposed and plump cleavage, tiny skirts sprouting long, slender and finely toned legs, high heels to match an even higher sense of sexual promise. However just because that might be perceived as looking sexy, for the majority of women, it does not lend itself to making them feel sexy.

Looking sexy is now a standardised concept, and yet one that is rightly uncomfortable for most women. For to apply a singular look to each and every woman, or indeed each and every man, removes any sense of individuality. Yet the most beautiful thing in the world is individuality. It is the little differences between us that make us truly beautiful. Indeed if all women fitted the singular standard of sexy, and all men fitted a singular standard of sexy, not a single person would truly be beautiful.

To truly feel sexy, is not the often seen case of dressing in an obviously sexualised manner. Rather feeling sexy is about a state of mind. It is common knowledge that confidence is sexy, however one can not see confidence in a clear visual manner. I can not describe confidence in visual terms any more than I can describe what love looks like. Indeed, it is in fact exactly the same with feeling sexy.

I can describe an outfit that makes me feel sexy, yet that may only be sexy for me. Another man could and indeed would say something completely different. Just as one woman may say she feels sexy in her favourite purple suede heels, another may say she feels sexy wearing her favourite summer dress. Even if I were to take the extreme example of identical twins, although they may look exactly the same (and one would invariably be drawn to the conclusion that what one looks good in, the other must also), they would actually have two very distinct ideas of what makes them feel sexy.

To understand why a certain garment makes one feel sexy, one needs to look past the mere visual and materialistic evidence. Clothing is more than simply fabric. Whilst on the rail it may just be a beautifully crafted piece of fabric, once worn it has a true meaning. Clothing does not have real meaning until it is worn, for to have true meaning, it must fulfil its true purpose. However, it is also important to realise that this meaning changes depending on who wears it, as indeed it does every different time the same person wears it.

Clothing is seen in relation to the person wearing it. The way an outfit looks on the catwalk and the meaning it conveys there, will not be the same as the way it looks on you in the street and the meaning you give it there. This is not simply a case of the varying body shapes and looks of the different wearers, but more to do with their selves. What I mean by this, is that it is not simply the way you look that determines how others will perceive you in a garment. Rather it is the emotions, experiences, memories, feelings and sense of individuality that you bring to the clothing, indeed the way you interact with it and use it to interact with the world that determines how it will really look.

To feel sexy is to have a certain frame of mind. Anyone can do sexy, but to truly feel sexy is a different matter. To feel sexy is to first know yourself. To feel sexy you need to know who you are, not just what colours suit you or what cuts best flatter your figure, but to be comfortable in your own skin.

It is often said that you need to love yourself before others can love you, and indeed you need to feel sexy before others perceive you as sexy. You need to wear whatever it is that gives you that feeling and that confidence. It is not a case of what others find sexy or attractive, but what you find sexy. It is about feeling alive and feeling a sense of who you truly are. Simply looking sexy can never compare to truly feeling sexy. Know yourself and be comfortable with who you are and you will look sexy in anything from a hemp sack to Valentino head-to-toe!

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