“ You don’t recognize the biggest day of your life, not until you’re right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone. The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. The day you realize there’s not enough time, because you wanna live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days. You know?” 
Dear Anonymous,
Your brother got married this weekend. Congratulations. I know because I saw the pictures online…these days you can’t ever really get away from someone with myspace and facebook and twitter…etc. How do you ever get a clean break in this day and age? Crazy kids and their technology, right? I looked. I saw. I felt…hollow.
The pictures from the rehearsal hurt my heart. Your arms are crossed as you stand up there, supporting your brother. I haven’t talked to you in so long but I know exactly what you’re thinking. I can see it in your eyes. You just want it to be over, you want to check your phone (Iphone, of course), you want to escape to your hotel room to work on some music, but you’re putting on a happy face, because you do care. You probably thought of me. You were mad at yourself for thinking of me. If I had been there you would have caught my eye…and we would have had one of those conversations we so often had, without saying a word at all.
I remember back when he started dating her. We talked so much shit on her. But then again, when weren’t we talking shit…and laughing, and inside jokes. Remember how we said there was a bubble around us? You didn’t like her, said there was no way she’d be around very long. I thought she seemed sweet, but boring. We would hide when they were around, they annoyed us. WE were the ones who were going to make it, we were the ones who were really in love…I was the one who was going to be there for good…right? We didn’t take them seriously. They couldn’t possibly understand a love like OURS. We had our first dance song picked out-”Overjoyed”. You surprised me with a puppy. The cutest puppy. In the end, you kept our puppy. Later on, I would see pictures of her kissing the dog that was once mine on myspace. She was still in the family. Again…hollow.
You bought me an engagement ring. Exactly what I wanted. It was beautiful. You were so nervous. Things happened. I broke your heart. And then we turned into dust. I don’t often think of what could have been, because well…you know. Some things just can’t be fixed. You should know that you are still, somehow, the love of my life. Would I go back and change things…yes. Regret is not how we live, and we’ve both moved on and loved since and will again…but damn, I miss you.
All I know is that I was thinking what you were thinking at that moment, this weekend. That could have been us. Should have been us, perhaps. But now I’m putting you back where you’ve been, in my past. It’s like running back into a burning house when there is really nothing left to save. Except this time I’m finally sealing it with an I’m sorry. It’s an I’m sorry you’ll probably never read, but for me had to be said.
She looked beautiful. Your brother is so happy. Your family must be overjoyed.
Besos, Me
{ 64 comments }
aww I hope you are ok!
Seems like some situations happening at same time, on two different places in the world… I KNOW how you’re feeling. And, I’m with you…
FM~FP
I love you. You just spoke what has been lurking around my heart about one MATTHEW CHRISTOPHER F*CK’ING NEELY for 3 years…
sending you so so so many hugs and hope this will help you move forward. You are, in fact, fabulous and there are SO many fish in the sea.
You have a beautiful soul EM!
This is such a beautiful post. Very nostalgic and melancholy, but you expressed yourself incredibly well, it’s all very heartfelt… I hope you’re feeling fine. I do believe someone even better than any other guy you’ve ever met will come along, and things will unfold naturally for the two of you and it will all lead to the best possible outcome.
Have a great week!
Oh sweetie. You’re breaking my heart. You are going to meet the true love of your life someday because you are too amazing not to!
Oh and yes Tampa does suck for original fashion. Cool boutiques are few and far between!
what a beautiful post. sometimes it’s hard to realize the importance until after the fact.
luv?! i am so speechless…..
My eyes teared up when I read this. I know there is really nothing anyone can magically say to make it better. Supportive friends and family are the ones who bring me my joy. My blog from Saturday kind of gives you my background.
Oh Liz, While I know the situation and what you’re talking about, it’s always different when its just your thoughts an emotions in what is a very personal letter to someone that they will never receive. You made me cry. You took me away from the fact that I know him, and I know you and you took me back to a time where I witness such a deep and beautiful connection, you showed me something outside of who I know him to be, and showed me a private side, a side that I think only you knew. For some reason, it just seems so much differet when I read this. Because it’s not about the details the drama, its about how once upon a time how you felt and a moment that you livedi n that was perfect. And it’s crushing to read.
If I could Id mend the pieces of your heart that are broken, and give you the absolute world. Because thats what friends wish they could do. Take away pain. But just know, that no matter how much time goes by, it’s ok to look back and release some emotions. And I’ll always be here to listen, and care, and let you vent. My shoulder is yours love.
And I know that you know that I completely understand and sympathize. Love you lots.
this is so sad and so painful. i hope you are ok. and, of course, i am wondering if the love of your life can be salvaged? but i am not trying to make it any worse than it is.
That’s beautiful. It’s so sad to feel this because I can understand what you mean. It’s so sad when two people still have love for one another, but things just can’t work or go back to what they used to be. That’s the saddest part.
this a beautiful, poignant post. it’s sad to lose a love you thought would be forever. I still think about my first love, who I thought would be my forever, and I think those what ifs sometimes. but it’s better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all, right? I think it makes us a stronger and better person, if we let it.
Just found your blog and I love this post. So heartfelt. Keep your chin up, Mr. Right is out there somewhere.
What a heartbreaking post… it sounds like you deserve so much better anyways. hope everything works out just the way you want xxx
I love this post, your words (so true missing boys might actually be the worst thing EVER) and the pictures are beautiful! xxo
wow
this brought tears to my eyes. I can’t imagine how hard that all must have been for you to go through and write about. You have my hugs!
you’re amazing. this post is amazing. i can only think that the guy you do marry is gonna be one hell of a…everything, something, anything. you deserve the best. glad the quote helped. besos to you!
How sad. I’m so sorry that this was so painful. I hope you had joyous moments during your weekend too!
sometimes things have to be said even if no one ever hears it….love ya EM!
Well, I have to be honest here and say this post doesn’t speak to me as for I’ve never felt love, but I am sympathetic towards you, all I have yo say you will find someone somday.
much love.
franco.
Such a beautiful post!
I feel for you…
I really like this post, it’s so genuine and I think a lot of us have had bittersweet moments like this. I also agree about all the technology and social networking making it harder to make a real clean break.
Regret really IS a part of life. We don’t have to learn to avoid it so much as we need to live with it. Just don’t let it eat you up inside. You’re stronger than that!
Oh my, I hope you are ok! I feel your pain; even though I know you know that it’s for the best and there’s no point on dwelling, you always feel that secret yearning for ‘what if’ right? Feel this moment, and then focus on the future and move on. Wish him happiness and yourself even more happiness!
A beautiful post by a beautiful person. (With beautiful pictures!)
I hope you are doing well now. You deserve so much. I wish you the best. Take care.
shit. shit. shit. i think you need the mojito cupcakes a lot more than i do right now.
Ugh girly I feel your pain and am sorry you’re bumming:0( It’s always best to keep those people in the past and just keeping moving forward (in fabulously high heels of course)!!
this broke my heart. I hope this person finds his way to it. I think that we can always ask ourselves “what if” but putting it out there like this is so brave.
great pics!
The 2nd image is really cool!
XoXo
that gave me chills
Awe, that almost made me tear up. So heart felt and beautiful.
It’s so true what you said about not recognising the biggest day of our lives…now i’m keeping my eyes wide open for those days.
Anyway, I gave you an award! http://trishiekoh.blogspot.com/2009/05/mailman-brought-me-lovely-things.html
hey Elizabeth thanks for the comment! ur blog looks lovely I will have to catch yp with all the posts to work u out but u are gorgeous by the looks of the little pic i een to the right of my screen!
love love love bimbo xxx
Even though some things that happen seem to make no sense,because they hurt and we don’t like them,I think we kind of have to just believe that things happen for a reason.That somewhere down the line the reason for certain things happening,will reveal itself to you.
I’m sure things will get better,now you’ve got the ‘I’m sorry’ out of your system.
Good luck xoxoxo
that was beautifully written…perhaps you should let him read it.
Wow my darling!! This was beautiful! And I am glad you are able to get this off your chest and out in the world. Everything happens for a reason and people grow and learn from things in the past. ♥ you are beautiful darling!
I have to admit, I laughed when I read: "I thought she seemed sweet, but boring."
Haha Mat and I are currently judging one of his friends girlfriends… except she isn't even sweet. She is so boring. I said to Mat "I would be more interested watching a wet mop dry then be near her." – ok that was harsh. But true. She is as dull.
And I can so relate to this: "WE were the ones who were going to make it, we were the ones who were really in love…I was the one who was going to be there for good…right? We didn't take them seriously. They couldn't possibly understand a love like OURS" I think that now about some people and their relationship and I know I shouldn't do that. I hate when I make things like a competition. Like Mat and I are more in love then Mats friends and his dull, mop like gf. (Ok though honestly.. i really think we are!!) Its hard to not compare relationships isn't it?
This was beautiful darling, you have such an amazing soul xxx
My dear this was such a heart felt post. I suppose it doesn’t matter whether they read it or not, what is important is that you have written down how you feel, and no longer have to think so much about it. I always find it strange how much of a release you can have when you just write down what is your mind, even if nobody ever reads it, or even if you never read it again.
Whilst I think we should always appreciate the good things in our past, we should never dwell solely in the past or future. In time, you can look back and smile, and know you have grown into so much of a better person since then, and will be even more amazing in the future
Oh and I gave you an award dear, sorry if you already have it!
you are so great! keep that in mind. i think everyone has felt this way at some time or another. you are so wonderful inside and out.
vote for The seeker on minisaia.blogspot
Very sweet post, darling!
Loving the new profile pic too!
xoxox,
CC
I think we all have that certain someone in our past that we will never forget and always have a soft spot in our hearts for. This was beautiful.
Now that I’m back from vacation, what do you need from me for the prize I won? And did I tell you how pumped I am that I won it!?!?! It made my day!
It IS a pain to get to. I wanted to go there when my parents where here, but it was always sold out.. but now we booked it a head.. so that’s good
And ohhh, what a nice post here love!! Hope u had a nice memorial weekend !!
this is heartbreaking but so beautiful at the same time…words and a letter i think every girl can relate to at some point in her life…
thank you for your amazing words a few days ago…they made my night! you are awesome lady!!
p.s. your sister is hilarious!!
you just broke my heart:( I’m so sorry, that is so hard. a beautiful post.
xoxoxo and a million hugs
Sigh…
Beautiful post…sad but beautiful….
hugs and kisses for you sweetie:*
Okay, I visited your blog to say hi and say thanks for stopping by and suddenly it seem so incredibly trivial just to say hi on a very personal and riveting letter. We’ve all done things we regret, and I only wish I could put in words the sadness that comes over me when I think about certain things I’ve done to break one’s heart. I feel and commend you.
I love this post… sad but peaceful. Thanks for sharing, love.
P.S. DID IT COME?!
Aww I hope you feel better, I love your writing style. This was very well written! And your new display picture is great!
This post was so beautiful … don’t worry, things will turn around. I promise.
Sydnie
http://www.takemeouttotherunway.blogspot.com
Why can’t there be time machines?! I mean, WHAT THE FUCK?! Wanting to change the past is the most sickening feeling! I have a couple of things I’ve done that hurt the people I love most, and I would rip out my heart and hand it to the people I’ve hurt if it would give me a blank slate.
I also check out people on facebook that I miss-it always hurts, but I do it anyway…not really sure why I go for the punishment.
Hugs chika!
Penny
Girl, you made me cry! =( Sorry is the hardest word to say. I admire you for your courage. *hugs*
wow!…
sometimes sorry, to say it – or – to hear it is all you need to move on.
once you fully close that door, you open another door for better and more beautiful opportunities.
we are all connected, and we all go through these things in our lives one way or another. it’s really nice to share. we are not alone.
mwa gorgeous liz!
xxx
joelyne
aw hunnie, this post almost brought me to tears. *hugs
ps. love the quote from One Tree Hill.
beautiful post, i can’t imagine that was easy for you to post this but i’m sure it has somehow closed a door for you that needed to be closed.
hugs and kisses to you my dear! mwah!
This is a beautiful post. And it sounds like you have a great open mind about the situation.
I was blog-stalking and I came across yours and this post! It’s so sad but sweet and I adore it.
Wow. Left speechless in regards to what to say except we admire your courage and strength to write this, post it and share with all of us your pain and private thoughts. Brought tears to our eyes not only for you and what you are feeling but because we too have felt something along the same exact freaking lines it hurts to think about it. Thank you for sharing…we send you all our love and lots of hugs.
Hope time and the people lucky enough to be around you help you heal your heart sooner rather than later…
This is truly lovely.
wow, incredible. thank you for sharing this. i can relate to your comparison about running into a burning house with nothing to save.
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